Emerald Dreams

2008-01-13T22:04:00.000-05:00

2008 the year of loaf.

Okay not exactly loaf...but I can't possibly explain what it's like to NOT have schoolwork! Doesn't mean I haven't been busy...but now I read, cross-stitch, play Wii, shop, watch movies, cook...

You know, do all that stuff I hit the 'pause' button on four years ago.

Not anymore baby!

Now if I could just get into the whole exercise thing. I'm definitely eating better...down 8 in two weeks. First goal is to lose 20. I'll use this blog (maybe) to keep myself accountable. And perhaps to roust up a few cheerleaders.

Oh and back to Australia one month from TODAY! WHOOOP!

2008-01-02T00:39:00.000-05:00

Goodbye 2007

Good riddance too, really...you took my friend, 2007... you took Diana.

Today I let her go. I came home with a bit of her in a little beautiful urn. I made a promise that I'd take her to the water and return her to the world. When the time was right. Well, my E was going to come and visit and we'd do it together. Life interrupted and she sat with me.

I was selfish. I didn't want to let her go. It seemed so final.

Last night...New Year's Eve, I sat online with my MircSpouse...and for the first time in a decade or more, Diana wasn't there to ring in the New Year with us. Today ... all day... I was restless. I couldn't settle myself down.

Finally I knew what I had to do. I took her urn, grabbed a diet Dr. Pepper and made the 30 minute drive to the water. It was chilly, windy, the waves breaking up on the rocks. I found a quiet inlet spot... looked out over the water... said a prayer and told her how very much I miss her.

I opened the urn and returned her ashes to the seas. At the convergence of the Potomac, the Patuxent, and the Chesapeake. She'd like that. She'd like all those Native American names, and she'd have loved the quiet little spot, just opposite the spray on the rocks. The water swirled and seemed to bubble with joy...and the little cloud of ashes stayed together as it rode a current out to sea.

On the drive back toward home, I was stopped by a deer. Doe, a deer, a female deer (sorry, can't help it) just STANDING there in the road. I put the car in park, and the deer walked toward the car... passed by my passenger side window, circled around the back and finally crossed the road to find whatever it is she was looking for.

I put the car in drive and not thirty yards down the road, ANOTHER deer came out of the woods. This one a buck with antlers. He looked at my car, bounded across and seemed to put an exclamation mark on my trip. Deer are not common at this time of year and in this weather. Usually they're deep in the woods.... not today.

I did the right thing, at the right time.

I am starting my year with an organized house. Mostly anyway. I am also going back to my healthy eating plan... every one of those Christmas cookies are stuck to my thighs, I swear it. I'm also starting 2008 with optimism. I will live this year, even if it's without Diana. I won't stop missing her, but life DOES go on. She's where she needs to be and so am I.

For that, at least, I can be grateful.

Here's hoping that 2008 brings lots of wonderful things to all of my loved ones.

2007-12-14T12:01:00.000-05:00

Christmas Update
You know how the phrase “I’ll never do that” seems to come out of your mouth when you’re young and then you end up eating those words later? Thankfully, the words don’t taste so bad.

I swore I’d “never” do one of these Christmas update letters but here we are. Last year we left our intrepid heroine (that would be ME) in post-holiday bliss, strung out on Oreo truffles and left-over Egg Nog. Then around rolled 2007 and the clock started ticking….

Springtime saw the return of “The World Traveler” with trips to Amsterdam, Athens, and California. Whew! Subsequent months brought travel to Reno, back to California, a jaunt to Atlanta, and at the time of this writing I’ve been back from Melbourne (Australia, not Florida) for five days. When I’m not in an airplane, I seem to be on the road taking someone to practice, or to a game, or to some other event, but you won’t catch me complaining. Especially since I have my Bunco Babes to visit with on a regular basis! I was busy the entire first part of the year putting together a reunion/retirement party for a very good friend and enjoying the company of some old friends. Gosh but it felt good to sing again, and act too as I managed to squeeze in a play (in my spare time) to end my year.

Spouse saw some changes this year as well. He leveraged his management and IT experience along with his education (more on that in a minute!) into a new job with the Federal Government. As the Team Lead for IT Infrastructure he spends all of his days in meetings, telling bottom-feeding contractors (guys and girls just like me!) what to do. Before getting the new job, Spouse utilized that management experience to plan a family vacation, taking us all down to Disney World in July. Despite temperatures that would make desert animals weep, and humidity levels so high that scuba equipment would have made breathing easier, the family had a lovely time. We got very up close and personal with about half of the population of Brazil, all of whom were also enjoying Disney World at the same time. Spouse is still coaching soccer, as the head coach of M’s U-10 travel team and as the assistant coach of Tadley’s U-8 RecPlus team.

Stretch has blossomed into a very confident young woman. An honor roll student at Leonardtown High School and at fifteen, she is now playing travel soccer with the Fury and on the High School Junior Varsity team. She’s proven herself to be a leader both on and off the field, as her school team ended with a 12-0 record and outscored their opponents 78-1. Stretch seems to have found her niche playing defender and (My heart is healthy, luckily!) GOALIE in a pinch. She also plays lacrosse, and was named one of the JV squad’s most valuable players in her first high school lacrosse season. The coach has been grooming Stretch for a spot on the 2008 Varsity team; so perhaps that will be news in next year’s letter! (Oh how the mighty have fallen…) Stretch has also really found her voice, and although she uses it mostly on her cell phone or yelling across the house at her parents, siblings, or boyfriend… she is also a member of the high school's elite singing group “Laydies Fayre” and just this week learned that she has been named to Maryland’s All-State Honors Chorus. She is the only sophomore in her HS to achieve this honor and we look forward to hearing her singing come March. In her spare time (she is SO like her mother!) she has taken on a part time job at the local Hallmark store, and loves the work…and the money.

M is now in fifth grade…one small step away from Middle School and her parents are NOT READY! She just turned 10, and is enjoying quite a busy life as well. She plays clarinet in the school band, sings with the Hollywood Singers, is enjoying her second season with the Wildcats (another goalie, God help us all) and also plays lacrosse. Her lacrosse team won the SMGLL championship at the Lax-a-Daisy Draw Tournament in spring of 2007, and the Wildcats have racked up some impressive tournament victories and winning seasons in both spring and fall. She has also enjoyed a year in both All-County and Tri-County chorus and is a Junior Girl Scout. This year, she and Mommy even camped out! For those of you who know, Mommy doesn’t camp…it’s amazing what “Maddiegirl” can get people to do.

Tadley is in second grade, yet his reading and language arts scores say he’s at least two years older than that. Seriously, that boy can read! Of course getting him to sit still long enough is the challenge! After a season playing pigskin football, and wearing pads that weigh as much as he does, The Boy went back to soccer and RecPlus with Daddy as the assistant coach. He’s always the smallest guy on the field, but he’s determined! His grades are great, and this year Tadley and Spouse have earned a little together time in Cub Scouts. They are planning their Pinewood Derby entry….so anyone with experience, please feel free to email! Tadley sometimes gets the short end of things, being dragged to his sisters’ games…so it’s good that he gets to be the superstar sometimes.

In August we added TWO members to the Oosterink clan! Our grandson joined the horde on the 13th, and we are having a lot of fun with our wee Jakey. He’s become quite the little love… smiling, cooing, and laughing out loud. If I’d known how much fun it is to spoil them and send them home, I’d have had grandbabies FIRST!

Our second addition came in from thousands of miles and an ocean away. SM is the daughter of one of my work contacts and she is our imported daughter until June of 2008. She’s here on student exchange, but she has integrated nearly seamlessly into our busy family! She’s also an honor roll student (straight A’s!) and is on the track team this winter. She’s enjoying the myriad of holiday “stuff” that we’re doing and we’ve taught her the rules of soccer (like she had a choice?). She also took ballroom dancing during the fall, so we got our own expert while watching “Dancing with the Stars” and she wowed everyone during Homecoming! We fill our Sunday evenings watching “Desperate Housewives” and “Brothers and Sisters” together every week. We’ve enjoyed a couple of visits from SM’s parents since her arrival, and she’s heading out for a weekend trip to New York City with other area exchange students.

With all of this going on, you’d think we’d be done right? Not so fast! Spouse and I BOTH graduated this year, earning Bachelors degrees from the University of Phoenix. Four years of schooling have come to an end as I finally got my BS in Business, and Spouse got his BS in Information Systems Management. While he will be starting a Master’s program in 2008, I plan on starting up a hobby…or a habit!

Spouse’s mom, K, is enjoying her apartment at “Casa de LOUD” although we’re quite sure she could do with a few less children and about a hundred fewer decibels. She has faced some pretty stiff health challenges this year, but seems to be weathering the storm (and enforced retirement) with her usual style and grace. We’re so very fortunate to have another set of hands around here. K helps manage the chaos, mitigate the stress, and celebrate the victories with the entire family.

We hope that 2007 has been as filled with joy for you and your family…and just think...if we get to see you, you won’t have to read this entire novel to know what’s happening with us. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and love to all!

2007-10-09T21:23:00.000-05:00

Four years of school

Tuition? $1400 per three credit hours
Books? $100 minimum per class
Student Loans? $40K and counting
Sharing a graduation day with my life partner and the only man I want to share such things with?

Priceless.

Congratulations honey, we did it!

2007-09-10T21:37:00.000-05:00

With friends like these...I need Depends.

I know that's an awfully odd title for a post that follows a memorial service, however somehow I think GQS would totally get it. Dear Lord in heaven, I can't possibly describe the gamut of emotions I have experienced over the past four days, but I'm going to try.

I'll start with where I am now: Peace and Gratitude.

Having met the most wonderful family in the world, I completely get why she is who she is. I get why she loves them, and they love her... I get why visiting Mom and Dad was a recharging for my Quicksilver friend. I get it. I also get her spouse. Certainly the last six weeks or so have been a trial by blowtorch, and we've spent hours on the phone, but I get why she picked him. I get why he picked her and I also get WHY they worked together. Meeting her family helped bring her more to life for me, even in death.

The service on Saturday was a roller coaster ride. Friday evening, E and I were invited to the church to help coordinate efforts and it was incredible to be a part of planning the celebration of an all too short life. The vocalist the family knew could not make it and so I stepped forward on Saturday to start the ceremony by singing "Amazing Grace". Lovely song, and yet, it wasn't the typical. E helped me by selecting verses that seemed appropriate. I sang acapella, which is a lot of pressure, but definitely helped me to focus. Thankfully no one heard the voice in my head during that third verse...where the lyrics were:

"When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we first begun."

And the voice in my head was chanting "keep it together, don't lose focus, don't embarrass yourself, keep it together, just a little longer, hold it together..."

Got lucky there.

The best part of the service for me was the open microphone part where folks got up to speak about GQS and the type of person she is, and the influence she had on them. Joyous was absolutely lovely reading "Death is Nothing" and E went with her to lend moral support. It was a fantastic tribute from us internet peeps. Many others, family and friends alike, stepped up and told stories of the woman I too had come to know and love. It is a reassuring thing to find that the friend you knew is true all the way through. She was for everyone what she was for me... a wonderful warm vibrant loving nurturing spirit. I am so grateful and so reassured.

I got to close that part of the ceremony by reading her own words in poetry. The words of "If I were an angel" made me both tear up, and yet smile. I'm counting on that comfort, Purple One!!

I was okay until the music kicked in and then thank God for E, who slipped an arm around me as I cried my way through "The River and the Highway". The video sealed the deal. I was a mess.

We ended with a dessert gathering in the fellowship hall of the church. Meeting the people who love her the way we did made me even more thankful for everything that she has given me over the past ten-plus years.

I have to say that Saturday's greatest gift may have been the MartyParty and her wonderful family. Derek the miracle boy is a wonder and John is SO laid back and is a perfect match for Marty. Now let me tell you about Marty... the HS teacher. She may appear to be a warm wonderful witty teacher... comforting in hugs and with a sweet southern drawl, gentle way of talking, and open friendly smile. She is all that...

But she is SOOOOO much more.

She's a pool shark. She's a bartender and a hypnotherapist. She's a dancer and a genius, and .. and .. and ..
She's an onion. There are layers and complexity of flavor and she gave me a COOKBOOK. I love to cook. Oh I am so coming to the lake for summer, Martilla.. be ready.

We had a great dinner on Saturday, and went shopping for a dogwood tree to plant in the memory of our friend. So sad that Marty had to leave but I have a plan to make good on more late nights and hugs when we're at the lake.

Sunday we went to the family home...and planted a lovely pink dogwood. GQS's mom wanted one, and we enclosed two amethysts in the hole. They will be a part of the ground and a part of the tree forever. We then spent the whole day just hanging out with the wonderful Hendersons. I don't know that I can adequately convey just how fantastic it was being a part of that family. In being with them, I was with her again. That is more precious than I can ever say.

We went out to dinner with Rexagonal to Hooters...(I know! But it was MY choice!) and we proceeded to get very very silly. Joyous has detailed the night at her blog far better than I ever could, but let me just say this:

I am too old to stay up all night.
My abdominal muscles are sore from laughing.
I need to pack Depends the next time I hook up with these people.

Joyous, you live up to your name. My God woman how I love you. E... You are NOT a virgin! You're a wonderful witty, HYSTERICAL man, who does a pretty mean Dobby impersonation.

I came home with a bit of Quicksilver for my own. In October she will join the waters of the Chesapeake Bay and the Atlantic Ocean. E will join me and we will facilitate this journey for her, for ourselves and for Anne, Bill, and the Chrisi all on the East Coast.

It sucked to have a reason like we did to get together. However there's only ONE thing I'd taken in exchange for the four days I spent. I know those I spent the four days with feel the same way, and there's no way to get what we all want. So with that said:

Fair winds and following seas, Sister. I love you now, I will always love you. I will do my best not to miss you too much but quite frankly, that's going to be really f*cking difficult.

2007-08-31T21:06:00.001-05:00

This is my 100th post.

I am a terrible blogger because I very rarely have enough time to sit and write. I am too busy being mom, wife, worker, friend, etc.

Diana was an awesome blogger. No matter what she took a few minutes to update everyone on the latest news, or theory or whatever...And I ALWAYS looked forward to reading her update, then catching her online or on the phone to talk.

For the last six weeks or so I've been in constant contact with her husband, because my friend was rushed to the hospital with spinal meningitis. Recovering from cancer is never easy...recovering when you have doctors who don't listen to you is damned impossible.

Unfortunately for the world, it proved to be so for my friend.

Diana left this Earth on August 26, 2007. Trust me when I tell you that the entire Universe is a bit dimmer, having lost this very important light. Diana was articulate, inquisitive, loving, creative, prolific, humorous.. I could go on for days. She's a Geminii, and a Gem...and definitely one in a million.

I knew the end was coming. I prayed for a miracle. It was not to be. Diana taught me that if it was not meant to turn out this way, it wouldn't have turned out this way...
And things turn out best for those who make the best out of how things turn out.

I have poured out my soul in rivers of tears over the last 48 hours. I'm drained. I have work to do, work that will do good for my spouse, my children, my friends. It is what she would want. It is what I want.

God how I miss her.

The internet is a funny thing. You hear a lot about the creeps and weirdos but the news tends to ignore the extraordinary and normal people who populate this medium. I met Diana online over 10 years ago and never once got to see her face to face. However, she knows my heart, and knows that I could have never asked for a better friend. I love her. I will always love her. I cherish what she brought to my life..and I am amazed that someone so extraordinary picked normal ol' me to befriend.

In her words... I am grateful.

I love you, Sister.

2007-08-14T21:32:00.000-05:00

Dangit GQS, you better wake up. You're missing this...

My grandson (holy shit) arrived Monday.

2007-06-29T00:11:00.001-05:00

The Lord bless you and keep you.
The Lord lift His countenance upon you and give you peace.
The Lord make His face to shine upon you,
And be gracious unto you...
The Lord be Gracious unto you.
Amen

I love you my Peace Piper brothers and sisters. Thank you all for a weekend I will never forget.

www.peacepipers.com

2007-06-04T17:13:00.000-05:00

Pictures of my grandson.

Went with the eldest today to her sonogram. The peanut wasn't super cooperative but a determined ultrasound tech found out that he's definitely a HE and she got some ok pictures of him on the 3D ultrasound.

He likes his hands up near his face

She's doing the right things, is slated to take her GED exam early next month so hopefully she'll have a HS diploma before the little man gets here.

Grandson... holy crap.

2007-05-05T19:01:00.000-05:00

Athens Greece. My first reaction upon flying in to the city was "There's NOTHING but rooftops!" However, Athens is much like that girl you knew in school... you first look at her and you think she's not very pretty. Then you get to know her and you see that she's talented, smart, has diverse interests, and a good foundation. It is only then, after spending some time with her that you see her real beauty.. .in the flash of her smile, a gleam in her eye, or the pearly perfection of the skin on her shoulders. So, now that you've seen the overall, here are the beautiful parts of Athens. She truly is one beautiful lady.

2007-05-05T18:55:00.000-05:00

Stretch and the Boyfriend. Tonight is prom night. She's growing up, and we are SO in trouble.

2007-04-20T23:42:00.000-05:00

Off to Greece!

I'm going to be spending a week in Athens... WHOOP! Did I mention how much I love my job?

Pictures when I return.

Shroom...THIS COUNTS FOR APRIL!!

Muhahahahaha

2007-03-17T22:57:00.002-05:00

You Are a Bright Star Soul

Like a shining star, you have no trouble being the center of attention

In fact, you often feel a bit hurt when all eyes aren't on you

You need to be number one in everything, no matter how trivial

And it's this ego that both hurts your confidence and helps you acheive

You're dramatic and a powerhouse of pure energy

You posess a divine quality or uniqueness that's hard to define

A natural performer, it's likely you'll become famous in some circles.

Just learn not to take everyone's reaction to you so personally!

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

2007-03-17T22:57:00.001-05:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to the First Level of Hell - Limbo!

Charon ushers you across the river Acheron, and you find yourself upon the brink of grief's abysmal valley. You are in Limbo, a place of sorrow without torment. You encounter a seven-walled castle, and within those walls you find rolling fresh meadows illuminated by the light of reason, whereabout many shades dwell. These are the virtuous pagans, the great philosophers and authors, unbaptised children, and others unfit to enter the kingdom of heaven. You share company with Caesar, Homer, Virgil, Socrates, and Aristotle. There is no punishment here, and the atmosphere is peaceful, yet sad.
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

2007-03-11T00:17:00.000-05:00

The list

My joyously unconfined friend made reference to the list... you all know the list... everyone has a list. Seriously.

If the question is... "Do you wanna... "
The answer is "YES" despite any outside commitments such as marriage, engagement, boyfriend/girlfriend/promise of celibacy....

THAT my friends...is the list.

If you have someone you'd say "YES" to... that's your list.

Here's mine:

Scott Stevens (hockey player)
David Beckham (oh yeeeeeeaaahhhh)
Garth Brooks
George Clooney
Rupert Everett (Yes I know he's gay... whatEVER)
David Bowie (do NOT judge me, people)
Catherine Zeta Jones

I've got about a ton of second-stringers too, and some notable folks who have dropped OFF the list:

Mel Gibson (anti-Semites are NOT hot)
Rafael Palmiero (do not rat out a teammate)
Simon Cowell (Cute but the tight tee shirts are not working for me)
Sting (Still love him, but I'm too old for hours of tantric nookie)

So um, who is on your list? :)

Shroomy...THIS COUNTS!

2007-01-31T15:07:00.000-05:00

Guess I should check in, give an update on how the new year is shaping up.

Or not, as the case may be.

First off, the renovation of the bod is going ok. I'm down about 7 in four weeks. I lose slowly, it is what it is. I am assuming (hoping...praying) it will speed up once the weather warms and I can work in some sort of physical activity.

I have been working on the house though. I went through and did the organize and purge of household crap. The kids rooms needed it and so did mine. Spouse hasn't even tried to do his side yet, but there's time. I am thinking that's a weekend project for February or March before soccer season starts full bore. We've also got to get the office done. It's been a year. That's enough time to live with boxes. Yuck. Next will be picking colors so we can put some paint on our walls, and figuring out what exactly to do with the outhouse.

Oh, we DID get half the garage cleaned out. I actually can park the van in there now. Very nice for those increasingly cold mornings to go out into the garage to a warmed up vehicle.

Completed yet another class, taking baby steps toward graduation. However due to a boo boo on the part of the college, that blessed event is shoved back somewhat. I had to add another major, so that I have enough credits. Frustrated? You bet. Am now in the beginning of statistics classes. Ew. That's all I can say. Ew.

Work continues to go well. Love the new company. Love being treated like an adult. Love the travel. On the schedule: California, Amsterdam, Athens and Melbourne next year. WHOOP!

Home travel looks like fun too. Off to see spouse's grandmother to celebrate her 93rd birthday this weekend, then a weekend with spouse and friends to the beach and golf courses in SC in March. Family vacation in July in Orlando... should be a great time.

So, life goes on. I've got nothing to complain about, that's for sure.

Oh wait...maybe I do. The eldest child is pregnant. Yeah, that's a SMALL concern. Ugh. Anyone calls me Grandma and I'll bop them with my cane.

Grandma. Ew.

2006-12-25T21:05:00.000-05:00

It's 9 o'clock on a Monday night,
The Christmas Tree is aglow
The scraps of wrappings are all around
The air holds a faint "Ho Ho Ho!"

Merry Christmas! Been a while, huh? I seem to do that. Between life, and work, and just general me-ness... time is often a premium. I have to admit with the blast of absolute terror that blanketed schools in October, I wasn't feeling much like doing anthing except holing up with my kids and thanking God for each safe day. However, that doesn't teach them anything except that their mother is a chicken.

And everyone who knows me, knows that I'm an elf.

So...Fate (Love her!) dropped an idea into my heart. An idea to marshall a very special army of Christmas elves to deliver one very special Christmas to one very special Lunatic. This person is probably the reason most of us are still here and (somewhat) sane. The idea stuck one night and we all just ran with it. Soon there were packages and wishes and all kinds of stuff on the way. Hell, we roped his entire family into helping us on our mission! We were so full of Christmas spirit.. I shopped, compared prices, cajoled, bargained... we got SO much for our money. We were entirely too full of ourselves.

Because then the doubt set in.

What had we done? We had basically shanghaied his holiday, right? This person who NEVER accepted our help. His lot in life is to help and be there for us, not the other way around. What if he gets mad?

I paced all Christmas Eve. I was freaking right the heck out.

In short, he loved it... although he DID grumble that it was too much. However now there is no doubt... he knows he's loved. He loves in return. We will live to gift another day.

The spirit of this project and of my friends who came together to make it happen carried over into my entire Christmas for everyone. I was a little more giving, a little happier, more selfless... and karma has repaid me in spades. Positive in equals positive out. I GET IT, Universe..truly I do get it.

So on this first night of Christmas.. I hope you are with your own true loves and experiencing the light and joy of this wonderous season. I rest easy in knowing that I have the best friends in the world, and that we all shared a Christmas like no other.

2006-10-30T22:05:00.000-05:00

Just in case anyone was curious...

Your Love Style is Eros

For you, love is all about the passion!
And chances are, you're currently in love.
You have a strong physical response to love...
And you are great at committing
(As long as the person makes your toes curl!)

What's Your Love Style?

2006-10-03T19:46:00.000-05:00

There is so much to say

Yet, I cannot find the words. So much violence in schools, even an Amish school. I live near the Amish. I have purchased vegetables, flowers, furniture...quilts...so much peace in those communities and it is shattered by this. Girls targeted, molested, assaulted.

My heart hurts. Aches.

Gun control is not the answer. The answer is getting the troubled, the angry, the hurt, to call for and accept the help they so desperately need. the answer is treating the cause of the violence, not locking away the implement. There will always be an implement.

Dear God, keep my kids safe. Tomorrow, and the tomorrow after that, and for all the tomorrows to come. This I pray.

Amen.

2006-10-03T19:10:00.000-05:00

Not my words, but as near to a prayer as I'm going to get.

Every night I say a prayer in the hope that there’s a heaven.
And every day I’m more confused as the saints turn into sinners.
All the heroes and legends I knew as a child have fallen to idols of clay.
And I feel this empty place inside so afraid that I’ve lost my faith….

Show me the way, show me the way…
Take me tonight to the river, and wash my illusions away.
Please show me the way.

And as I slowly drift to sleep, for a moment dreams are sacred.
I close my eyes and know there’s peace in a world so filled with hatred.
Then I wake up each morning, and turn on the news to find we’ve so far to go.
And I keep on hoping for a sign, so afraid that I just won’t know…

Show me the way, show me the way
Take me tonight to the mountain, and take my confusion away.

And if I see a light, should I believe?
Tell me, how will I know?

Show me the way, show me the way
Take me tonight to the river, and wash my illusions away.
Show me the way, show me the way
Give me the strength, and the courage to believe that I’ll get there someday.
Please, show me the way

Every night I say a prayer in the hope that there’s a heaven...

Welcome Home, Traveler

2006-09-26T21:43:00.000-05:00

Welcome Home, Traveler
Originally uploaded by StacyO.

Stonehenge. Is there anything else I can say? Probably not.

Playing with Flickr

2006-09-26T21:24:00.000-05:00

The Tower of London
Originally uploaded by StacyO.

I put some England and Scotland photos up. The trip to Great Britain was enlightening in more than one way. For GQS, the hoodoo boogity started when I visited the Tower of London and had all the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stand on end. Echoes of an earier life? Maybe. I have been accused of having my head not quite screwed on right. The building itself is imposing...large and low to the ground. The lawns surrounding it are lush and green, and yet the aura is sad, dark, heavy...but not scary. I definitely felt something, I'm just not real sure what it is.

2006-09-19T21:07:00.000-05:00

What the fucking fuck?

Whose ass do I have to kick to restore balance around this here universe, hm?

I will not tolerate an upset of this magnitude. Know it.

That is all.

2006-08-31T12:10:00.000-05:00

The long overdue update OR what I did on my spring and summer vacation

When we left our intrepid heroine, there were growing children, new house things and an upcoming trip to the Arctic.

Um, check, check, and OMG was that awesome.

No really, the kids are growing and are doing great. Stretch got braces, her period, and started high school. (Remind me to never show her this blog, eh?) She made the HS soccer team and will be playing next week. After a run in with the most nutless human being who happened to be her former travel soccer coach, she is moving to a new team (his choice, not hers and I won't go into it except to say that this incident damn near made me give up organized sports for kids and well, you all know how much I love sports). All is well, she is adjusting just fine to the changes and has lost about 6 pounds from the every day of soccer practice. Dear Lord in heaven... that child likes to run about as much as I do, which is NONE.

MPM and the Boy are both in their new elementary school and doing just fine. The Boy has a male teacher (YAY!) who may help to keep him in check. He has started playing football, and I swear his pads weigh nearly as much as he does. He's so cute and is playing offensive line and defensive end (not in the same game!) and is the pride and joy of his parents. Even if he does look like he's playing leapfrog during those three point stance moments. MPM made a travel soccer team. I know, and it seems she's a budding goalie. I KNOW. I wince every time she comes charging out of the net, but she seems to love it and I know she's loving having Daddy as a coach. It gives her the status that Stretch used to have. Both kids have adjusted to the new neighborhood, they have friends (and sleepovers) and new friends in school too. So, things are moving along swimmingly.

Had a great family vacation this summer. Went to Myrtle Beach for a week with my folks, and did LOTS. Spent time in the ocean, in the pool, at the go-karts, playing mini golf, saw a circus, went to the aquarium, and the amusement park...we tried to do it all and it was so worth it. Heck even I got a tan and I am a pale Polly indeed.

Work is a challenge. Just this week my HD for my laptop died...so I'm splitting time having NO computer at the corporate office. The desktop here at the customer location isn't much better, but hey, at least I can blog! The spouse is good...he's a spouse, and marriage ain't always sunshine and roses. We'll be fine. It'll be 15 years in October. Most of those who know us didn't think we'd last 15 months.

Okay, the travel...ah yes the travel. In March I went to Norway. I saw the aurora borealis, I was 300 miles NORTH of the arctic circle! Was it cold? You betcha...but the pictures don't even do justice to that gorgeous place. There just aren't adequate words to convey how absolutely beautiful it was. Not just the landscape but the people...oh my the people were so warm and wonderfully friendly. Eight inches of powdery dry snow, the bluest blue water like sapphires set in platinum, that's all I can tell you for a color comparison... it was amazing.

In May I paid a visit to England and Scotland. Give me the opportunity and I will move there. I mean it. London was fantastic, I felt right at home even more so at home than here in the US. I saw STONEHENGE. I walked around it, touched the stones, leaned against them...and watched the sun set. As that red-gold orb sank lower on the horizon, I felt the warmth of the giant rocks against my back and I closed my eyes in a small moment of meditative thankfulness. I could swear...no I WILL swear that I heard a voice..a warm womanly voice saying "Welcome home, Traveler." That wasn't the only hoo-doo boogity thing that happened on my trip, but I know I was changed by setting down in England and getting to bide there a while. I will return, and soon. I just know it. The Scots are a great lot, spent a couple days in Aberdeen, up north. Nice town, nice people who use the word "fuck" an awful lot. I felt pretty comfy there. Got to see Castle Dunotter, which is the location for the Mel Gibson version of Hamlet. Well at least when I see the movie, I will remember the castle and not the nimrod Mel.

June saw me at my 20 year high school reunion. Can it really have been so long ago? Had a really nice time re-acquainting myself with some old school chums. The day after, I left to go to Norway again... this time in summer. Again I was floored by the beauty of Norway and the people. The end of June means that this area has the midnight sun..it never gets dark! Now I am an insomniac to start with, but put me in 24 hour daylight and I am FOOKED. I think the longest stretch of sleep I had was 3.5 hours. All the stunningly beautiful things I saw covered in snow were even more beautiful in the 24 hour daylight and lush green of Norway in June. There is a special imprint on my heart in the shape of Andoya Norway. I will return, I promise. On the way home, I had a nice trip through Oslo, and I had a layover overnight in Dublin. My heart sighed with happiness when I stepped off THAT plane. I did get to have a pint of Guiness, but my trip was far too short. Maybe it's the Irish blood but I swear I could feel the pulse of the land. Amazing...amazing stuff. Ireland...ah sweet Ireland. Next trip will be longer.

Next week I am off again, Germany and Austria. Six days in Munich (OKTOBERFEST y'all) and about a day and a half in Vienna. Let me tell ya, this unsophisticated girl is loving the globetrotting that this job gives me. Next year? Seville, Spain and Australia. If you hear the joyous screaming, it's me.

Photos coming as soon as I get a way to upload them, for that I need a working computer.

Now for some shout outs: Lunatic...I LOBE YOU! There is no one else like you and I am so glad we're still together all these years later. GQS...glad the ailment is better, sure miss you though. Kiss the fambly for me. Shroom...COOL IT woman!! You better get healthy and fast..this world (and me) need you. Who's gonna nag me to update if you don't? Joyous One...I am in awe of you, of your courage, your strength, your beauty, and everything. You're the most amazing person, and that cutest kid has one helluva role model. PoD...MISS YOU how's the move? Go Sens! CowboyPapa...that's some cute little Piper you got there Dad. So happy you're sharing her with us. Daniel...Hello? Hello? You update even less frequently than I do. WESM...hang in there, k? Miss you, sorry I missed the trip to Reno this year. ShimmeryOne... That is one fine lad, you know I love you and him... you are a great gift to me, I rely on you to help pull me back from the ledge and you always do. Last but not least to the E... there isn't much I can say except that I love you. I am so glad we've become so close, and I can't imagine a day without an E or two.

2006-08-06T23:11:00.000-05:00

Yay!

I have been called impressive...

Impressive! Me! I'm impressive.

Oh wait...he said impressionable.

Nevermind.

2006-08-01T22:04:00.000-05:00

Because Shroom told me to...

And she knows I'm scared of spiders.

Because it's so damned hot here...

I feel like I may never cool off.

Pictures of Norway in March.

Cool and beautiful Norway, ah how I miss you.

More later after I'm sure I won't melt.

2006-03-03T21:49:00.000-05:00

Okay okay, so it's been a month.

Four weeks or so if we're being technical. I've been BUSY. Work is going well, the house is good (in fact my mother in law's apartment is coming along swimmingly). School is in full swing, currently I'm studying history from the 1950's through the '90s. Whoopie.

In work news, on Sunday I leave to go to Norway. I am VERY excited. This will be my first trip to Norway this year, we are setting up a meeting to be held in June. So my travel schedule looks thus: March in Norway, April in England, May in Germany, June in Reno, NV and then back to Norway, September in Munich, December in Marietta Georgia. I am becoming quite the world traveler, no?

The spouse is good, the kids are good. Which reminds me, this is what happens when your child grows up... she used to be this little brunette with big brown eyes. Now she is a five foot one inch dynamo. Killer soccer bod and oh my GOD she's a GIRL:

I'm afraid. VERY afraid.

Tonight she and I were at church singing in the choir. She's an alto like me, but let me tell you, she's so far ahead of where I was at that age. She can definitely sight read better than I can. It was lovely sharing something with her though. Tomorrow we rehearse all day and then we sing during the evening service.

Sunday she goes back to soccer and I go to NORWAY!

I can't wait to go to Norway. I'll update more later.

2006-01-17T01:28:00.000-05:00

What I did this weekend...
What? Enjoy a long leisurely three day weekend?

HA!

The spouse and I were supposed to have an adult Saturday evening....he then hurt his back, thought it might be a kidney stone, so it didn't happen.

So, I watched BOTH of my football teams lose.
Spent three HOURS organizing/cleaning Madelyn's room. (That is her New Year's challenge...to learn how to be organized, even a little)
Went to Lowe's for the millionth time, picked out planters for my tulip bulbs since we have no yard.
Unpacked two more boxes out of the garage.
Took down and packed up the Christmas tree/decorations, including putting them in storage.
Rearranged the furniture in the living room.
Hung curtains in the office, master bath, master bedroom, breakfast room, Madelyn's room, Bradley's room, and living room.
Put up a few pictures.
Dusted and vacuumed the entire living area downstairs.
Did every bit of laundry in the house.
Cooked/prepared my lunches and snacks for the week.
Wrote a paper for my Economics class.
Watched FOUR HOURS of the best show on TV "24" (Welcome back, Jack Bauer!)

I am now having a tough time unwinding, even though it's nearly 1:30 am.

How are y'all doing?

2006-01-03T17:08:00.000-05:00

Unpacking and settling in has proven to be just what the Emmy ordered. Well, all except for the brown water. Now I have no issues with brown. All of my children have brown eyes. My spouse and the Stretchmeister have brown hair...but the water, my lovelies, should NOT be brown.

But it was, and so a new well was drilled (not on our dime, thanks)to tap into some new cool clear water. Seems the old well was existing and required only a microbe test, which it passed. However, since the well had been inactive, no one knew that the casings inside were cracked and broken, and allowing large amounts of crud to escape into our water system. The junk had settled, so the test samples were clear. Then came our family and the way we use the well...and well... oh well.

So the new well was drilled the week after Christmas. We got 95% of our crap put away, (we can SEE the garage!) and construction on mom in law's downstairs apartment is clipping right along.

It was a beautiful holiday with the kids and the family, we are all so spoiled. New Years Eve found spouse and I with my parents chilling in front of the tube. It was a lovely evening.

Now I am (like many others) back on the weight loss train. I have eaten SO MUCH today I am ready to hurl, and I still have dinner left to go. Have I really been eating so little...or just so much of crappy stuff? Whatever it is I hope this works, because I'm tired of being pudgy me.

More later.

2005-12-22T22:06:00.000-05:00

Well, one room is ready for Christmas.

The new house is signed, our lives belong to the mortgage banker... and I've been working on getting things unpacked. We've unpacked maybe 60% of stuff but THE IMPORTANT THINGS are done.

The tree is up:

The stockings are hung:

The halls are decked:

The living room looks festive:

Now we'll just sit on the orange couch and enjoy the one room I have ready. Hope all 17 of my relatives enjoy it.

2005-12-15T00:18:00.000-05:00

Hola Internets!

HAHAHAHA, you thought I was going to quit updating didn't you? Not so much. If I weren't moving in TWO DAYS I'd be even better at this.

But I am, and I'm not.

I am moving, I am not going to be able to post until the cable modem is hooked up over at the new digs...I am going to be busy and I am not going to miss this little dinky apartment.

Tonight I bought a couch...well, spouse and I bought a couch. It is a beautiful thing, a compromise we both love. A sectional (which I didn't want) in paprika/orange (a color he didn't exactly want)

And we both LOVE this couch. Weird.

Pictures once things are unpacked. Friday's plan is to start moving with clothes, breakables, kitchen crap...and Christmas. My tree will be up Friday night. My kids will have Christmas in our new home. I expect to have a great new year.

Bought the Six Week Body Makeover thanks to a GQS recommendation. Asked for the XBox fitness game... after getting high cholesterol readings at 37, I need the push. Spouse has agreed to do it with me to keep me honest.

Besides, with the new mortgage we'll be too damned poor to eat much.

Perhaps we'll just do a lot of lounging on the new, orange, couch.

See you on the flip side!

2005-12-06T21:27:00.000-05:00

This is why I love snow. This is why I love my new house. Please indulge me in sharing just a few of the gorgeous sights I saw today.

This is one tree outside the front of my house

This is another tree, a Japanese Maple

And you might as well get used to the shots of the deck, because I am sure there will be a lot of them.

And my appliances got delivered... EARLY.

Oh yes, it was a very good day.

2005-12-04T23:15:00.000-05:00

So what if you get what you really like, only at a time that totally sucks?

I love snow. I mean LOVE it. I love watching it flutter down to the ground, and cover everything with that soft cold blanket. I love the soft sound it makes (have you ever listened?) when it snows... I even love the unique icy steel white/grey of the sky just before the snows come. I love the way the landscape looks when covered in snow, all clean and white and fresh. It's like Mother Nature's paintbrush, putting a highlight on every branch, twig, and leaf. Tomorrow it is supposed to start snowing, and at the end of the storm we are expecting 4 to 8 inches of the white stuff.

Normally I would be ecstatic. Really. I don't even mind that people can't drive here in the snow, or that the kids probably will end up with a day off from school. But on Tuesday my appliances are supposed to be delivered to the new house. These are the appliances that we absolutely MUST have to get our Use and Occupancy permit before our house closes. If we don't get the appliances this Tuesday, the store doesn't deliver again until the following Tuesday, and that just is not enough time to get them delivered and hooked up before we close.

Which means closing wouldn't happen, and neither would Christmas in our new home. I have told the spouse that we should take the morning off from work, get a trailer and go pick up our stuff before the storm hits. That way, they're delivered, in the house, ready to go no matter the weather.

His answer? We wait and see until Wednesday...if the appliances don't get delivered on Tuesday we'll go Wednesday. With 8 inches of snow on the ground? Yeah right.

It's supposed to be easy, right? If it's meant to be it is supposed to be easy. It has been easy so far.

Maybe I was due for a little rain on my parade. Damn the luck that it would have to be snow.

2005-12-04T00:04:00.000-05:00

Fixed!

Thanks GQS...you iz smawt.

2005-12-03T11:16:00.000-05:00

Okay, GQS, Shroom, Joy, Ern, anyone who knows a damned thing about HTML...

My contact list used to be over here ------->
Even with my postings. Now it's not it's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY down at the bottom.

How do I fix it? HELP!

The Techno-Challenged One

2005-12-02T23:57:00.000-05:00

Fridays are not supposed to suck.

It was supposed to be my day off, yet I got called into work by my wonderful Captain, and well, one should not turn down the O-6 who wants to pay your salary. So this one did not. I took the fastest shower known to man, grabbed my keys after getting dressed and hauled my keister into the office.

After working a few hours, I came home in time to realize that... I only had half my keys. That would be the half without the apartment key so I was locked out. Couldn't reach the spouse, couldn't reach my mother in law (who has a key) and the rental office (which has a spare for each unit) closed early.

ARRGH.

So I drove all over until I got in touch with my mother in law, got the key and came home. Nothing got done today... I had to bust some butt to vacuum really good and dust some, and get the curtains washed and folded to be put away.

Dinner? Oh dinner was pb&j, and spaghetti-o's for Maddie. Stretch went to the movies with some friends, the boy is spending the night with Grandma. I did homework, then helped the spouse with his statistics homework... and now am wiped out and ready for bed.

Oh wait, a bright note... my kitchen cabinets are in and they are gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.... Tuesday the appliances get delivered. Tomorrow it's a Christmas sing thing with the brownie girl scouts (Maddie) then off to the airport to pick up my friends from Norway. We'll do a driving tour through DC to see all the lights and such.

Saturday better be a better day than this frustrating Friday!

2005-11-30T23:46:00.000-05:00

Holiday card time

I'm lazy, we're moving and this photo will grace our "Happy Holidays, here's our new address" cards.

Speaking of new house, here are some long overdue photos:

and for GQS..the view from my deck. This scenery goes back nearly two acres, it's like heaven. And there are holly trees everywhere, so I ask this: WHERE IS WALLACE?

Hey Shroom? I need to talk to you re: Glucose, insulin resistance, etc. You open to that? I need some advice.

2005-11-29T23:19:00.000-05:00

A busy couple of days ahead. Stretch has an orthodontics appointment tomorrow. I think she's hoping to end up with braces...it's the whole attention thing. She just doesn't relize how much it sucks in reality. Then the spouse and I meet with the builder. The house is looking REALLY good, they got the siding up, and the hardwood floors in, and my tiled bathroom is beautiful. Today the cabinets should have been delivered for install on Thursday.

And my mortgage payment is going to be higher than I thought. I'm trying desperately not to stroke out.

Thursday I meet my new endocrinologist. I've been feeling pretty crappy lately, and not responding well to what I'm eating. I'm bone-crushing tired an hour after eating, and Dr. Google tells me that's a crash in blood sugar after eating carbs. I'll make sure to mention it to the good doctor... just what I need is another organ going belly up. Aren't my thyroid and ovaries enough?

I also got a really interesting phone call today. Seems a very prominent local politician has his sights set on a larger office. This promises to be an extremely tough campaign with unprecedented media coverage. The candidate wants ME to be his communications director. He all but promised that if he wins, I'll end up his press secretary. Press secretary? ME?

It's something I'll think about. There are pros and cons, for both of us. Hell, I like the incumbent guy, he's a friend of mine. I don't do smear, and there is at least one media bigwig who doesn't like me and might negatively impact my candidate. On second thought, when else do I get this kind of opportunity? Do I even want it? It would be good resume material, but also the stuff ulcers are made of.

Speaking of resume, the corporation has approached me about being the head BD person. BD is Business Development or "sell us, babe". I'm pondering that too. Again, there are pros and cons, being a salesman doesn't do much for my resume.

It's been an interesting day. I'm very tired tonight and hope that I can get in some good solid sleep. I did my FOURTH home closing in a week tonight. That puts me up to nearly 400 bucks extra right in time for Christmas. I'll take it.

Press Secretary? ME?

2005-11-27T22:34:00.000-05:00

Hey Shroomie?

Make it three. And if you'd enable comments I'd post on YOURS. Love, Me.

2005-11-27T21:39:00.000-05:00

Pardon the interruption, 'tis the season to go shopping.

I figure I need to keep this up, because well, I get all kinds of comments, funny looks and THIDS when I blog. I figure it's like cardio exercise for my friends.

Truly I have been remiss in keeping folks updated. For that I apologize. My life is rather hectic all the time. I had a friend once who said that I must be addicted to adrenalin or stress because I tend to keep things going nearly constantly. I feel most alive when I am frantically multitasking, keeping all my projects going at once. I am productive in chaos.

However I am also human.

Lately, there are cracks in the frenzy foundation. On Sunday evenings, or when I have time alone to just be still, I find myself sentimental, weepy, and emotional. Tonight watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, I started crying. I teared up at a Kodak commercial. I watched Wizard of Oz the other night, started mouthing the words silently at the end when Dorothy says goodbye and sent a lengthy email to a friend who I call "Scarecrow." I shopped with my husband and was nearly overcome at how far WE have come... last summer, I would have bet money that there would be no more tandem shopping trips.

If I didn't know better, I'd think I was pre-menstrual...but that is impossible isn't it? I had a complete hysterectomy three years ago... plus no thyroid from the cancer, I am a synthetically hormonal woman.

So what the hell is this? I have an appointment with a new endocrinologist in a few days. I will be asking questions. Tough ones.

Anyway, had a great time with the spouse. We shop well together. He has good taste, loves our kids beyond measure and enjoys spoiling them (and me). Oh we took care of him too, believe me. Went to the outlet mall and shopped all damned day. If Black and Decker made a vibrator, well we'd have bought the whole store. ;)

Okay I know a majority of what I'm getting under the tree, but I don't really care. What I care about is that my kids are happy and healthy, my family will have a great new home to celebrate the holiday in, and that my spouse has returned. Don't know how we did it exactly...

All I know is, I got back the man I married, and the marriage I dreamed of, and I'm thankful. VERY very thankful.

2005-11-25T23:37:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving and shopping... better than love and marriage let me tell ya...

Actually I'm being cheeky, because if there are two things the spouse and I are good at together (trust me there are more than two, but work with me here, people!) it's eating dinner and shopping. Today we spent a lovely day meandering about the stores and picking up things here and there. Eventually our picking up a few things ended up being a carload. We are taking stuff back, I tell ya. We are. I mean it.

Tomorrow we're driving to an outlet mall with my brother and sister in law. Spouse and I have a few things to pick up for one another and for the new house. More than anything, we are going to spend a day with my "little" brother and his wife. Adult time...very cool.

Next week, my friend from Norway and his lovely daughter are coming to the area. He has meetings at the base, while the girl child and my own Stretch are planning activities together. Guess what they want to do? SHOPPING! Teens are teens the world over I guess.

Speaking of Stretch... she's living up to her name. She's over five feet tall finally and has actually hit a bit of a growth spurt. She's grown a full inch since August, and is now becoming a little woman. Attitude included.

Sunday we grout the tile at the new house, which has me very excited. The hardwood is in, the siding is nearly done. Cabinets and such go in next week, and appliances soon after. Holy cats we could be moving in three short weeks. Have I packed anything? NOOOOoooo...I'm too busy writing in my blog.

Speaking of which, Snookums...don't make me give you mouth to mouth. And Shroom...glad that the dip in temperature didn't cool your fire too much. I miss you woman, and thanks for the "I told you so." Now, since GQS hasn't peeped since I last wrote, someone wanna grab the paddles? She may need a shock.

After all, I posted twice in a row.

2005-11-23T22:54:00.000-05:00

I wonder if I update if it will cause GQS, Joyous, Shroom, and the Shimmery One to all freak right the hell out?

The MircSpouse is not allowed to freak out.

I just want to make sure that I stay ahead of Matty, Daniel, and Chris.

Here it is in a nutshell... job is still going strong, but I have learned that a lot of women I work with do not want to work with me. Petty crap really, but it still gets under my skin that people do not seem to "get" me at all.

Kids are good. Oldest is not living at home still, and I'm glad. Stress level is low with her gone. Stretch has moved on to a better soccer team (#3 in the state) and since August she's put on 1.25 inches in height. Keep growing kid! MPM is a wood nymph, I'm convinced of it. She's cut her hair short and now all you see is a little elfin face and huge cinnamon colored eyes beneath her mop of dirty blonde hair. She's an imp. The Tadley Bradpole is CUTE. I mean seriously cute. He's in all day Kindergarten and is a terror. His teachers adore him and he's already starting to read. Who knew the kid had brains? He never sits still long enough to show us.

Spouse and I are doing well...really well despite the stress of our lives and both of us being full time students...and the whole house thing.

We sold the house. Yeah. Made a decision to sell right after remodeling the whole thing. Took three months to sell, scared us that it would never sell, and now we're moving into a gorgeous brand new home right before Christmas.

Hi, my name is IN-F*CKING-SANE and it's lovely to meet you.

In my wildest dreams I never envisioned living in a house like this. It is, in a word, stunning. Vaulted two story family/great room, hardwood floors, a separate office, master suite on the first floor with ceramic tile master bath and a jacuzzi tub....bedrooms for all the kids and a deluxe chef's kitchen.

All of this on 2.3 acres of woods.

The dogs are going to be in heaven...hell I'm going to be in heaven. I'm excited and scared to death about the mortgage payment. Nothing ventured nothing gained though, right?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. We're having it with my folks at their house. Mom ordered our complete dinner cooked... from the local Giant grocery store. I'm still making sweet potatoes with vanilla and baked macaroni and cheese. If I didn't cook on Thanksgiving it wouldn't seem like a holiday.

I guess I'm just thankful for everything I have, and for all the distance I've travelled. I'm even thankful for all the crappy times, and all the bad things, because they put me here. Funnily enough, I can't imagine wanting to be anywhere else as much as I want to be...here.

There's my sappy update. You may now commence to freaking out.

2005-03-13T22:30:00.000-05:00

She scored!

Holy cats she scored. Her first ever travel soccer goal. And a pretty one it was too. Corner kick coming in from the right...she's at the top of the box, the kick gets banged around a bit and hits Stretch right on the laces. She can't kick it through the traffic in front of her, so she lifts it high, arcing it up and over the goalie's head.

She scored.

And nothing, NOTHING will match the grin on my little girl's face as she turned and saw me on the sidelines cheering for her.

They won the game, her goal was the only score. It sent them to the championship.

Okay, they didn't win the championship, they lost on a pretty crappy call that gave the other team a PK. 0-1.

But for today, it was Stretch's day. This is a child who started playing travel soccer when she was 8 years old. It took four years, eight seasons of travel soccer to reach this day. She is growing, my girl... she is coming into her own. I once told her that there are some times that I can't believe she's mine. That I'll be looking at her, or watching her, and I'll get tears in my eyes because I can't believe that beautiful creature is MY child.

Today was one of those days.

Congratulations, kid. I'm awfully proud of you.

2005-03-10T23:24:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been a while.

Yeah I know, I know. I suck at this blog thing. Actually I am very very good at reading blogs, but I absolutely suck at writing them. I wish I knew why. I've been told that I'm an entertaining writer, but I just don't put myself out here very often.

Maybe part of it stems from a time when the spouse and I were having issues. He was reading my blog, my mail, and a bunch of other things, and I really resented not having any place at all to call my own. I have since re-vamped my thinking. This is my spot. This is where I think, or whatever... and if in reading someone gets upset, that's just too damned bad. Everyone needs a place that is their own. And this is mine.

Part of it is also that I am a full time employee and college student. I write SO much both at work, and at home, that I sometimes run out of words, or just get tired of sitting at this keyboard.

And part of it has to be that I live my life, and it's usually so full I don't have time to write about it. I'm a tornado, a firestorm, a whirling dervish of activity. So what's been going on? Home re-financing, and remodeling. We paid off some bills, bought new cars and have re-vamped most of the house...

Just in time to sell.

We want to get out of this school district before Stretch goes to high school. Speaking of Stretch, she's moved up to a higher level soccer team, and seems to be enjoying it. Tournament season is upon us, lacrosse season is upon us and our wee Mads has picked up a stick to play too! I know, I know...it never ends.

We're looking at building a house nearby, better schools and still a short commute to work. Something that would be ours, the kids would all have their own rooms, mother in law would probably come live with us, we'd finish the basement into a sunny apartment for her. Although I am stressed as hell over the idea of packing up ten years and moving, there is the excitement of living in a house custom built for US. we weren't the original builders of this house although it's served us well, we've outgrown it.

No theatre things to write about, although the band is doing well. I so look forward to my singing practices every week. I come home exhausted and beaming after three plus hours singing with the boys. I am back in my battle with weight and after some chemical adjustment by the doctor, I am feeling better about winning. I lost a pound this week. Doesn't sound like much, but for my body (missing thyroid), it's huge. I'm also working out four days a week at Curves and I really like it. When the weather breaks, giving us warmth and longer days, I'll be able to walk more often.

All in all, things are just fine. It's a pretty fine life. My very good friend has just celebrated some very good and hopeful news at

this place Another friend and his wife are celebrating here

So yes, life goes on, and things are just fine. Thanks for asking.

2004-12-10T18:13:00.000-05:00

I was a disc jockey, but it wasn't intelligent of me...

Your Dominant Intelligence is Musical Intelligence

Every part of your life has a beat, and you're often tapping your fingers or toes.
You enjoy sounds of all types, but you also find sound can distract you at the wrong time.
You are probably a gifted musician of some sort - even if you haven't realized it.
Also a music lover, you tend to appreciate artists of all kinds.

You would make a great musician, disc jockey, singer, or composer.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

2004-12-10T18:09:00.000-05:00

So is this... no surprise to y'all

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame.
You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out.

You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable.
You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go.

Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive.
Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

What's Your Element?

2004-12-10T18:06:00.000-05:00

This truly is me

You Are a Bright Star Soul

Like a shining star, you have no trouble being the center of attention
In fact, you often feel a bit hurt when all eyes aren't on you
You need to be number one in everything, no matter how trivial
And it's this ego that both hurts your confidence and helps you acheive

You're dramatic and a powerhouse of pure energy
You posess a divine quality or uniqueness that's hard to define
A natural performer, it's likely you'll become famous in some circles.
Just learn not to take everyone's reaction to you so personally!

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

2004-11-14T20:07:00.000-05:00

My new dining room is looking amazing. The painting and structural elements are done. The new flooring is done (even the quarter-round moldings!)

Now to put together furniture and install, put up mirrors, hang curtains...

Oh yeah and load all my breakable crap back in.

Thanksgiving this year is at our house...for 18... we'll need the space.

Pictures to follow eventually.

2004-11-01T15:47:00.000-05:00

Don't YOU want what I'm having? ;)

Everyone remembers the 'faked-orgasm-in-a-deli'
sequence from your kind of movie When Harry Met
Sally. It seems that you're falling for a buddy
or have already fallen for them. Uh-oh. You're
probably caught between the possibility of
having a great relationship and wrecking the
one you have now. You know what they say, it's
better to regret something you did than
something you didn't do.

What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-10-25T14:19:00.000-05:00

You are "Face with Glasses"

What Japanese Smiley Are You?

2004-10-25T13:54:00.000-05:00

If you've never contemplated murder....

black widow: mmmm lady i wouldn't want to get near
those venom blasts though the thought of mating
with a widow does get me wondering what's so
cracked up about life.

Which Sexy Lady Avenger (marvel comics) Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

... You ain't ever been in love.

2004-10-25T13:52:00.000-05:00

Pardon me while I laugh myself to death

Virginity? ME?

40. Do i still put on virginity?

Which One of Sappho's Poem Fragment's Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-10-25T13:49:00.000-05:00

Better than being a black hole...

Eclipse: You try so hard to steal the sun and keep
it for yourself. Become the only object of
affection.

Which Moon Are You?
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2004-10-25T13:47:00.000-05:00

Hm..maybe I should go to the dark side more often.

Electra!

Which Sexy Comic Book Villainess Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-10-25T13:45:00.000-05:00

I sound like a feminine hygiene product

bathtime fresh sydney

Which Sydney Savage (danger girl) Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-10-25T13:37:00.000-05:00

Those who know me WISH I looked like this ;)

abbey chase

Which Sexy Comic Book Woman Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-10-25T13:36:00.000-05:00

GQS and JoyDawn are very good bad influences

diurnal illusion: the shadow of a grand piano
approaching

which Dali painting are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-10-25T13:25:00.000-05:00

I like Royo.. and THANKS GQS ;)

Four

Which Royo Painting Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-10-25T13:09:00.000-05:00

I liked this picture

Good thing, eh?

Which Aspect of Joseph Michael Lisner's Dawn are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-10-19T21:39:00.000-05:00

If it's a little cold in your neck of the woods...

It's because hell froze over. We signed. Closed. All we're doing is waiting on a check.

Also, I have accepted a new position at work. Started Monday. I am the Director of Communications for ISSI (Integrated Systems Solutions, Incorporated). I work as a management analyst on base, and my collateral duties include contract management for the Navy as well as building and branding ISSI.

Five years of service with Sabre are over. I miss the good times, but they had become fewer and farther between. I look forward to my new challenges.

And we closed. I can breathe. C'mon check... I have home improvements to make, and my car to pay for.

For now though, I think I'll indulge in something I haven't done in seven weeks. I think I shall sleep the whole night through.

2004-10-14T21:35:00.000-05:00

Another attempt at closing tomorrow. Another day to drive myself batty with worry and strife.

Today I said goodbye to the co-workers I've had for five years, along with my bosses. My friends took me to lunch. I didn't expect to be as melancholy as I am about it all.

Had a great dinner at a new Vietnamese restaurant. I experienced ginger chicken, Pad Thai, and Pho soup all at "the Hot Noodle."

I still think that name sounds like a porn movie title.

Goodnight, kids.

2004-10-08T21:04:00.000-05:00

No closing. Again. I have worn out my vocabulary of four letter words. I have said "fuck" more times today than I care to even think about. People are incompetent, or liars, or both.

I can't start drinking either because I won't stop. We'll now TRY for Monday. In the meantime, I hear the giant sucking sound of all my dreams for this house, as well as my credit rating being taken away.

I'm so mad I don't know whether to scream, or just find a corner and cry.

2004-10-06T20:51:00.000-05:00

On refinancing and mortgages and closings and delays....

F this. Seriously, how the hell does ANYONE put up with the delays and reschedules and crap? I can't breathe, my chest hurts and the only way I've gotten through tonight is by consuming half a bottle of Shiraz wine. Be glad that I'm not on tequila, because my typing would really suck then.

We're supposed to sign on Friday. Then three days for recision, puts us funding next Thursday. It's only been FIVE FREAKING WEEKS since we were supposed to close. The mortgage is late because we didn't pay it, thinking we'd close. We've got plans to do stuff and can't because we can't seem to close.

If this closing doesn't happen, there will be a news story in which I am prominently featured. Going postal will seem like child's play if they screw this up again.

I have in my head a wonderful posting on majestic western mountains, and lush green plains and my thoughts as I flew home from Vegas... I even have plans to go there again, nebulous though they may be... but I can't do any of that because my stress level is crushing the breath from my lungs.

By the way, did I mention I've been laid off from work? October 15th I end my five year career at Sabre Systems. It's been a wonderful ride...

Pardon me while I go throw up.

2004-09-22T20:45:00.000-05:00

It's the simple things that amuse me.

I need help. Serious mental help.

Em

2004-09-10T22:01:00.000-05:00

Day Three in Vegas:

To do list...provided by darling Tony. J and E firmly grasped said to-do list in hand and set out to do all of their to-do's. First though, it was plotting and planning out by the pool. E is sporting a tan, not easy for a girl with her Irish complexion. She does look healthy though. We chill out in the sun (hey, is that an oxymoron?) and discuss the afternoon and evening plans. Head inside to shower and change..

It's raining in Vegas on Thursday afternoon. Here we are, in the desert and it's RAINING. Kinda cool though, because at home when it rains, it just gets more muggy. Here the moisture is actually soaked up by the ground and it cools the air. Very nice.

Okay so here's Tony's "to do" list. Things you MUST do in Vegas.
1. Watch the waterfountains at Bellagio (better at night). And we did, absolutely gorgeous. They danced and waved all lit up white in front of this MASSIVE hotel. Oh, they had them dancing to that music on the "Beef--it's what's for dinner" commercial. E was craving steak by the time it was all done.

2. See the Pirate Show outside Treasure Island. Done, see yesterday's entry. E saw this one alone

3. See the fountains come to life in the Forum Shops at Caesar's PalaceThis one we didn't get to do, because the Forum Shops are under renovation. We did walk around Caesar's Palace though and enjoyed the beautiful grounds

4. See the lions at MGM Done. Those are some big pussies. Oh c'mon, you KNEW I was going to go there. J and E also saw a wonderful piano player and singer at the MGM. Shane Stephens. English, or Aussie, cute accent and even cuter face and bod. *meow*

5. Watch the ceiling shows at the Rio. Done. See the "beads and dick" posting. Can't say enough how cool that entire thing really was.

6. Watch the circus acts at Circus Circus. Okay so we didn't even DO this one until our final day. We were staying at Circus Circus, and played skee ball and acted like clowns. Does that count?

7. Watch the volcano at the Mirage. Also done. Frequent and cool, a nice break and it gave E some more people to watch.

He also recommended seeing the Paris, Aladdin, and Venetian Hotels. Which we did, and took pictures. Had an absolutely decadent chocolate eclair at the Paris. Ooohed and Aaaahed over the French tarts (in the bakery silly) and acted like American tarts as J and E wondered if there was a VCB convention we somehow missed. What's VCB? Very Cute Boys. Lots of yummy things to eat at the Paris!

The Venetian amazed E. She was quite attractive with her jaw hanging open the entire time. The shopping area was to die for, especially all the ceramic theatre masks. E collects these things and to see the incredible indoor canal and gondola rides along with shops and stands all carrying her collectibles was almost too much. The digital pictures look like they were taken outside in the daylight. Hard to believe the girls saw this spectacular at 10:30 pm on Thursday night!

Almost completely exhausted, J and E hopped the bus for another trip to Freemont Street. J had missed the show the night before and E wanted to show it off. Imagine the surprise and delight of both girls when tonight's show was new and different from the night before! Instead of the 60's-inspired plethora of colors and waves of music, tonight's featured butterflies (J's fave) ladybugs (are you listening Quicksilver?) and FROGS! (E and Joyous may now rejoice). Very cool stuff and again a super highlight.

J and E collapse into bed at about 1:30 am after setting a wakeup call. Tomorrow it's souvenier shopping, Circus acts and then off to the airport for the flight home.
Thanks for the list, Tony! *smooooch*

2004-09-09T16:22:00.000-05:00

Day two... The day of beads and dick.

More on that later, the day started out early... 7 am local time and guess who couldn't sleep? So no better way to spend the morning than by the pool. Okay, it is a dry heat, and a fair skinned gal like myself gets sun quick. Thank goodness for sunscreen. J and E had a VERY revealing conversation throughout our pool time... the gist is that David Letterman, Richard Gere, and Catherine Zeta-Jones ARE "do-able" however Jay Leno, Jack Black, and Bea Arther are NOT. Oh, did we mention we encompassed every celebrity we could think of, and that this hours-long discussion happened while completely sober? WTF? For further details on who made the yes and no lists, contact J and E personally.
Today was a low alcohol day. Never let it be said that the liver doesn't have a language of it's own. We snagged a few drinks in the casinos, and made plans to head to the tattoo parlor at the Palms hotel. As much as we'd love to be living breathing works of art, a 150 dollar minimum just doesn't cut it. We'll shelve that idea. Off to the Rio for a free show recommended by a friend. We ended up in the casino where we re-wrote our Megan rule. Yes we met a NEW Megan...and as the sweetest waitress in the entire casino, we're happy to forget bar whore Megan. Our new Megan gave us tips on seeing the sky show at the Rio, and it was AWESOME. Picture New Orleans, or Carnival, suspended from the ceiling. Amazing stuff. It was here that we got our beads. No boobage required, although some of the folks watching looked slightly disappointed. We'll take THAT compliment. We then headed down to the casino floor for some dick. Before you get all atwitter... we are talking about the Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve slot machine. What a HOOT. Fun interactive games throughout and J found her own lucky streak by parlaying a dollar into nearly ten. E had no such luck, but was on Megan watch for drinks.
We grabbed some dinner at an excellent Mexican restaurant (again recommended by Megan) and had the absolute best chile con queso in Las Vegas. After a purchase of feather boas. (Turns out it's a fetish for J), we were off to Harrah's for a quick stop, and plans to head to Freemont Street for the laser light show.
J's batteries were running a little low. Sleep deprivation comes easily to us moms, but not so much the single gal. She decided to head back to the hotel, while E carried on to Freemont Street. On a covered street, the biggest LED screen ever played patterns and colors while accompanied by a unique musical soundtrack. Street vendors lined the promenade, and again with the gazillion light bulbs on every store, casino, and hotel front. A bus ride back to Treasure Island just in time to catch the "Sirens of TI" show, and some strolling around the strip.. and whaddya know, it's nearly 2 am. E hoofs it back to the hotel for some much needed shut eye, and has to wake up J because her freaking hotel room key has become de-magnetized. Tomorrow it's the Venetian, MGM, Bellagio, Caesar's, and perhaps that tattoo.
Tomorrow is also a higher alcohol day. WOO HOO!

2004-09-08T18:24:00.000-05:00

Em and J's excellent Vegas adventure! Yeah, that's it...if we had a movie that's what we'd call it. Apologies to Bill and Ted, but we're girls and we're way more fun. I am blogging from Sin City, baby... Lost Wages... LV,NV.. VEGAS! Having a great time thus far and I promised updates to some folks so here goes...

The trip started out on Tuesday am at the crack of freaking dawn. I mean we got up so early the rooster was still snoozing. We woke up the chickens and they said "Yo..we're trying to sleep...get your crazy self back to bed!" Ah, but the airport and the security lines beckoned... so off we went. The plane was packed, but we two travelers got seats together at least and we took off heading west.

Now, I am an East Coast girl. Always have been... and when you fly over the east coast, or drive it for that matter, there are two predominant colors... green and blue. Everything is green or blue, unless it's a freshly plowed field. Then the square shape gives it away. But I digress... we flew west and things turned BROWN. I mean a hundred shades of brown. I saw chocolate and ochre, umber, and sienna... (thank God for the BIG box of crayons). And the mountains...can someone explain this to me? In the east, you have a buildup to the mountains. You have HILLS and such that give you a hint "hey...there are mountains coming up." Not here, nuh uh no way.. we're talking flat land and then WHAMMO these huge mountains just lurch into the sky. It is magnificent. I love the east coast... and the Appalachians, but let me tell ya, those are "mountains for beginners." THESE are real mountains.

The scenery here is gorgeous. Bluer than blue skies, the mountains and more lights and light bulbs than you can shake a stick at. We leave the east at 8:30 am and end up 2000 miles away at 10:30 am. Gotta love gaining time. Anyone ever said "I wish I had more hours in a day"? Fly west, it works wonders. Oh, and there are slots in the airport. Did we play 'em? You bet. Did we win? Yup... J and E both came out a quarter ahead of the game. This bodes well. Shuttle to Circus Circus, our hotel, and rooms aren't even close to ready. No problem... we'll go find someplace to sit and have a drink. Make no mistake, it's HOT here. Yeah yeah, it's a dry heat, but it's still freaking hot. We get a strawberry margarita (remember that, it's important) and there's no place to sit. Okay, let's go explore the hotel. It's MASSIVE, with a theme park, theaters, restaurants, and a casino. We have time to kill so we play a few slots, and get another margarita (with whipped cream). J is the QUEEN of looking like she's playin' slots, and getting that free drink. She is gifted and a pro, I have much to learn. So we down that one and check out the show schedule in the hotel. We're meandering along and find a Mexican restaurant featuring HALF PRICE PITCHERS of margaritas. We figured "hey, it's noon, why not?" So one BIG pitcher and three rounds of chips and salsa later (by the way, when J says she can eat her weight in chips and salsa? She ain't kidding) it's now one thirty. Rooms are ready at two, so off we go... and we get lost. Cannot find the lobby (told you this place was big). Wandering around, drink in hand... we finally get to the lobby, and check in. Tried to nap, that was futile, and finally at five we were ready to go. Now, at this point, it's 8 pm Eastern... and we're just starting out. We get tickets to the "THUNDER FROM DOWN UNDER" and the first acronym of the night is born... HNM. Hot Naked Men!! With accents, yessir, can't go wrong there. Went to the Excalibur, where the show was...found the casino... and found a friendly waitress. We were early... so we lost a little money, and drank for free. (God I love Vegas). Buzz firmly in place, we embarrass ourselves in the arcade, trying to play skee ball. We are consoled by more free drinks. Finally, it's off to stand in line...to stake our claim on great seats for the HNM. We get good seats, more beers, two buttery nipples (no, there was no Parkay involved), and the music and cheering begins.
I want to move to Australia. Holy cats... what pretty pretty boys. Now, J and I console ourselves while behaving ourselves by looking and reminding each other that they're all gay. We don't know this for sure, of course...but it helps explain why neither one of us got to bring one back home. 75 minutes of HNM and we are primed and ready to go. We even got pictures made with them, and if you'd like to see all those HNM, go to www.thunderfromdownunder.com. If you want to see the pictures of US with the HNM, you'll have to send money.
We had toured the Excalibur pretty thoroughly (beautiful hotel and it just makes me want to live in Camelot for real) and we head outside. Next stop: Luxor. Think FEAR FACTOR. It's the big glass pyramid. WAY cool, and once again, we found a casino for the sole purpose of getting more free drinks. J has an enthusiastic and quick study student... I'm getting the hang of this. The Luxor is connected by moving walkway to Mandalay Bay? Ever been really buzzed on a moving walkway? You go REALLY FAST. At Mandalay Bay, we're singularly interested in the Russian Ice Vodka Bar. It's inside the Red Square restaurant. Outside the restaurant were two things of interest. One: a giant headless statue of Vladmir Lenin, complete with fake bird crap on it's feet. Two: Randy, the really cute and very friendly maitre'D. Randy took our picture with Vlad's crotch. (pictures to follow soon). While finishing yet another beer, we notice something odd. A stream of people passing by, all of whom resemble Wednesday Addams and Marilyn Manson. Apparently we missed the goth convention. Not really, the group "Ministry" was playing at the House of Blues. What these people needed more was a House of Fashion, and a House of Tans.
Inside, we have a drink at the ice bar. WAY cool, the bar actually looks like the ice in an ice rink. Conversation with the bartender reveals they use the same technology (frozen pipes under the ice keep it cold). It is cool, no pun intended, and J and I amuse ourselves by making hand angels. We are easily amused. Content to pay for our own drinks, we meet Megan. Megan the bar whore... who is determined to have the businessmen behind us buy all of our drinks. Nevermind that these poor fellows are married, one of them talking about his child non-stop... Megan is undeterred. She wants that free drink, and she'll stop at nothing to get it. I felt like giving her the eleven bucks to save herself the humiliation. J had a Bolshevik Bellini which is champagne and raspberry vodka. E had the Dutch Connection which was vodka and everything but the kitchen sink. Damn they were good. We bid the bar whore goodbye and good riddance, but gave fonder farewells to Randy and Vlad.
A quick stop at the casino for more free beer (DUH!) and we're hailing a cab toward the hotel. Did I mention the lack of open container laws in Nevada? You can drink... ANYWHERE. God I love this state. Back at the hotel..we're hungry. The alcohol is screaming loudly...for red meat. J remembers a sign for a steak and shrimp dinner for less than ten bucks at the Frontier hotel. Hey, the Frontier is right next door, right? NOT... SO... MUCH. A mile and a half later... THERE it is. At this point, we bypassed our first casino and the free drinks (hunger had kicked in big time) and headed for the restaurant. We got a $10 steak and shrimp dinner, and mozzarella sticks. Life is SO good. And we are SO tired. It’s now 1 am and we head back to the hotel, having been up for our first 23 hour day. If this pace keeps up we’ll need two things: a good sleep plan, and a liver transplant.
More tomorrow… much love… Em and J.

2004-08-25T15:18:00.000-05:00

Okay so I was ordered to update. A certain friend was tired of seeing the same stuff on the ol' blog...

Okay so I'm going to VEGAS! A friend and I are leaving on a jet plane and soon. I'm SO excited, so here's a lil' ticker to count down the days.

And it's puppycam time. The update is below, but I figure anyone who wants to watch my lovelies, can do so

here

Okay, so call me a sucker...

Here's an update on the litter of pups born to Treasure's Lady Genevive and Freedom's Prince Kenji:

The babies are 8 weeks old this week. Of the 11, 8 are spoken for. There are four left, two males and two females. The males that are left are the one we called "Kenji Jr." and his twin brother. The females that are left, one looks like Mama Jenna and the other looks more like my boy. Jenna has a rounder head and a longer finer muzzle than Kenji. Kenji looks like the MGM lion. Three females have Jenna's bone structure, and one of the males. The rest all seem to have short
snouts and faces like Kenj.

The runt, named "Sophie" is the most rambunctious of the group. She looks like her Mama, although darker. She is EVERYWHERE and she pesters her brothers and sisters to death. What a personality!

The darkest coat is on a female named "Sabrina." She's sweet, and the color of coffee with lots of cream. She also has Jenna's fine bone structure.

"Samantha" is going to an older couple who lost their golden. Samantha looks like Kenji. She's broad, weighing more than the rest and has Kenji's open, broad features. The couple who lost their baby (after twelve years) had a female that was more fine-boned, and petite. They originally wanted Kenji Jr., but then decided they'd rather have the female that looks the most like Kenji.

The lightest coat belongs to the male named "Magic." He's nearly white, more like the lightest blonde streaks in my hair. (How's THAT for a comparison?)

Nancy and Jay are keeping a male named "Shiloh." He's Mr. Laid Back that's for sure. While the pack was playing and rough-housing, Shiloh was taking a nap. His formal name will be Genevive's Freedom Prince Shiloh.

The brother who looks like Jenna is also spoken for, and I cannot remember his name. He's not as comatose as Shiloh, but not as rambunctious as some of the others.

There's also another male pup who they call "Red" because of his collar. Red has the distinction of being the puppy who chews. He tried to eat through the fence in the backyard! His daddy ate our deck railing, so I guess he comes by it honestly?

So that leaves the four... The Spouse and I are considering taking the female who looks like Mama Jenna. Her working nickname is "Cyan" because of the collar she wears. I know, we're idiots. My heart just melts at Kenji Jr., though, who was the puppy born when I got the word that Jenna was whelping. He has always been the "roundest" male... and by the looks of his paws, he'll probably be big like his Daddy. The kids have nicknamed him Spiderman because he climbs the fences. I hope
someone who gets him keeps in touch.

So, that's the update, by the end of next week there is the good possibility that they'll all be gone. Get in the view time on the web cam while you can.... *sniff* Mama Jenna is being fixed, and should we get a female we'll probably have Kenji fixed as well. They're a beautiful litter of babies though, and I'm very glad we had the opportunity to be their human grandparents.

Oh, and if you want one... there's still time.

Speaking of time, I'm out of time for right now. Further updates to come, I promise.

2004-06-18T10:45:00.000-05:00

Is that with tongue or not?

kiss on the lips - you're sweet and simple but
quite daring. you move for the kill confidently
knowing the other person wants the same thing.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
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2004-06-18T10:42:00.000-05:00

I found my girl gene!

Feminine

What's your sexual appeal?
brought to you by Quizilla

Um.. yeah, when I was 35. Crikey, I'm SUCH a late bloomer.

2004-06-18T10:38:00.000-05:00

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Phoenix:
Phoenixes are litterally birds of fire. They are
brave and majestic and have the ability to be
reborn from their own ashes. You are strog
willed an confident- a true leader. Although
you can get down in the dumps occasionaly you
are never there for long. Many people flock
around you and like you as a friend.

What Mythological Creature Are You (Many Results and Beautiful Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Now THAT's more like it.

2004-06-18T10:33:00.000-05:00

Go figure...

You are a Water Emerald. You are quiet and to
yourself and then an outburst of joy. You live
to seek peace. Your best freind is right there
and always loving. You might know that special
someone or you might be looking for him. You
enjoy the kelp and sleep, eat, breate, and live
in the greenery of the ocean. You are the most
common mermaid.

What kind of mermaid are you? (Gorgeous Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Common mermaid? Quiet? ME?
Pardon me while I laugh ;)

2004-06-12T12:48:00.000-05:00

WTF?

Okay what is it with people and their moods? I am exhausted trying to keep up with the shifting moods of those around me, and my own kaleidescope of emotion. One moment I'm up, the next I'm down, usually influenced by a shift of someone close to me. Mainly, I'm bewildered, unsure, and I don't like THAT feeling at all. I am on a rollercoaster, and although I usually love them, of late I feel rather like throwing up.

I know what I know, although I may not be able to express how I know it. However I am wrestling with what I do NOT know, and how uneasy I feel when the rules change without me. My head hurts, and my heart hurts worse. I try valiantly to understand why people do the things they do, and to respect their decisions.

However that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt, it does.

2004-06-09T21:57:00.000-05:00

Some days are very very good.

It is these good days that make the bad ones worth suffering through. It is the good days that remind you of how damned good it feels to be alive.

It is the good days when everything feels better, senses are sharpened, and you revel in every second.

Today I had one of those days.

To Whomever is responsible... Thanks.

2004-06-09T21:52:00.000-05:00

100 things about Me

1. I am left handed.
2. I have green eyes with gold around the pupil.
3. I have been told my eyes are unusual and beautiful.
4. I had all of my four children by c-section.
5. I had my first child at 18.
6. I had my last child at 32.
7. I am finished having children.
8. I have been a singer since elementary school.
9. I am an alto.
10. I am a mediocre athlete, but have tons of heart.
11. My favorite sport is whatever my daughter is playing.
12. My second favorite sport is ice hockey.
13. My favorite dessert is cheesecake.
14. My favorite food is dark chocolate.
15. I prefer my dark chocolate with raspberries.
16. I snore.
17. I dream in color.
18. I dream vividly, often remembering several dreams when I wake.
19. My favorite movie actor is Mel Gibson.
20. I have had my best friend since high school.
21. I talk daily to my best friend.
22. I write for fun.
23. I do Medieval roleplay as a hobby.
24. I am currently a college freshman.
25. I am a Dean's List student.
26. I am an actress in community theatre.
27. I am also a drama queen.
28. I was a radio announcer for ten years.
29. I met a bunch of famous people during my radio career.
30. My favorite celebrity that I met in person is Garth Brooks.
31. I love deeply and freely.
32. I cry, often.
33. I laugh much more than I cry.
34. I have dimples that show when I smile.
35. I am a well known, and usually well liked person.
36. I am also a "touchy feely" person.
37. I am a cancer survivor.
38. I once weighed nearly 250 pounds.
39. I have lost 60 pounds in the last 18 months.
40. I am a bra and underwear junkie.
41. I am hooked on song lyrics.
42. I am currently listening to Hoobastank's "The Reason"
43. I want to visit Ireland.
44. I have only been out of the country on a cruise ship.
45. I don't count my visit to Canada as "out of the country."
46. I want to travel back in time.
47. I always have felt like I was born a couple of centuries too late.
48. I am a Taurus, with a Saggitarius moon and a Scorpio ascendant.
49. I have a good friend who explained all that to me.
50. I have a pierced bellybutton.
51. My favorite color is green.
52. My birthstone is Emerald.
53. My favorite alcoholic beverage is tequila... straight.
54. My favorite non-alcoholic beverage is diet coke with lime.
55. I cannot wear the color orange.
56. I voted in my first election for President Ronald Reagan.
57. I vote every chance I get.
58. I get really pissed off at people who don't vote, and then complain about the state of the Government.
59. I am a registered Republican.
60. I used to be a member of the NRA.
61. I am also pro-choice.
62. I went through in-vitro fertilization.
63. I am a fairly insecure person.
64. I fool many people into believing that I am always confident.
65. My favorite movie of all time is "The Wizard of Oz"
66. I am a sucker for a love story.
67. I hate movies where the main character dies.
68. I am hooked on the entire "Lord of the Rings" series.
69. I have been compared to Eowyn.
70. I would rather be an elf like Arwen.
71. I have developed a healthy crush on Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn.
72. I am scared to death of spiders.
73. I think snakes are neat.
74. My favorite place to visit is the zoo.
75. I have an unnatural love affair for the Chevrolet Corvette.
76. I am an eternal (and infernal) optimist.
77. I think Oreos are very nearly perfect.
78. I am sentimental.
79. I have a good memory for faces, not so much for names.
80. I have considered having a boob job.
81. I have considered liposuction.
82. I have decided to love me, just as I am.
83. I also love Monty Python.
84. I want a motorcycle because I love to ride.
85. I read a lot.
86. I always sing to the radio.
87. I am very good at Trivial Pursuit.
88. I love to kiss.
89. I think Bill Cosby is hysterically funny.
90. I quit smoking over ten years ago.
91. I think love is the most powerful force in the universe.
92. I believe in soulmates.
93. I believe in reincarnation.
94. I believe in a higher power that connects us all.
95. I believe in Fate.
96. I know things without knowing HOW I know them.
97. I am a better person in my 30's than I was in my 20's.
98. I am a good friend.
99. I don't do casual sex.
100. I sound like the "slightly naughty girl-next-door."

2004-06-06T12:33:00.000-05:00

"We are all in this alone..."

A quote from Nancy Reagan, who just lost her husband. Ronald Reagan was the first President I ever voted for. Ironic in a way, that he would die at this most confusing time in my life. Reagan marked my passage into adulthood, or what I thought was adulthood, and yet now he's gone and so am I.

The choice has been made. And I truly am in this alone. There is no winning in my current situation here at home. I am telling my male friends goodbye, even though I've done NOTHING wrong except be myself. I've used one particular fellow to divert my attention off of my own problems and perhaps gain further insight into the mind of a male.

It didn't work, apparently. It only made things worse. So I will create the distance that my spouse needs me to create from this friend and any others that make him uncomfortable. Even as I am doing so, he isn't happy about that either, because now he feels guilty.

So what do I do?

Realize that I cannot win... and that we all are in this alone.

2004-05-28T23:35:00.000-05:00

I miss me. I miss the girl I was. I miss the me I know I can be.

But I am losing her. She is dying a very painful death..... not on the outside, where I look fine and everything is grand, but on the inside, where every moment, every attack, every jab causes just a little more of her life's blood to drain from her.

I miss that girl, and I weep for the woman she will never be.

When I said "I do"... I don't remember also saying "I give up." Damn those loose translations.

2004-05-28T23:08:00.000-05:00

Yet another random personality thingie:

What Planet Are You From?

this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim

2004-05-27T20:48:00.000-05:00

Blogging for fun and profit...

Yeah, that's it. That's what I need to do. Because I cannot really put my thoughts here can I? Expose myself to ridicule, to exposure, to being so very vulnerable?

Me?

Nah.

I will instead retreat to the act, the shell, the me that everyone knows. It's safer. All flash and charisma and no substance. That's the girl they all know and love.

And inside, the real me withdraws further, shrinks backward into it's shell, and becomes a tiny point of light, until someday... I will disappear altogether.

2004-05-27T20:38:00.000-05:00

Fits my archangel mentality lately:

Angel Style by greymentality

Name/Username

First Impression from Others

Others are overwhelmed by your beauty

Your Core

You want to spread the beauty of the great Voice

Potential to Stray from the Light: 91%

Your Weakness

You barge into battles too heavily.

Your Strength

You were picked to weild the flaming sword.

Your Wings

Dark black, raven shine

Your Focus

Freedom

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

2004-05-27T20:26:00.000-05:00

Okay this one made me giggle:

LOOK OUT!
ïòð

Emerald is a radioactive squirrel!!

From Go-Quiz.com

2004-05-27T20:23:00.000-05:00

What kind of Vampire would you be? by bastardlove
What is your real name?
What is your sex?
Bloodline-	Turned Blood
Clan-	Lutador,Violent Bloodthristy
Age-	800
Bloodlust-	Girly, less than 100
Style-	Gothic, Old school.
Dark gift-	Telekenesis (move objects)

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

2004-05-27T20:22:00.000-05:00

Bear with me, I have to try them all:

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	Loyalty
In a survival situation, you:	Outsmart your attacker
Your hidden talent is:	Seeing the best in others
Your gift is:	Ability to acquire wealth
In groups, you:	Feel uncomfortable
Your best quality is:	Your compassion
Your weakness is:	Being unforgiving

Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

2004-05-27T20:20:00.000-05:00

Just some goofy stuff:

E	Edgy
M	Mystical
E	Extreme
R	Realistic
A	Appealing
L	Lucky
D	Dreamy

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

2004-05-19T08:05:00.000-05:00

*PRIMAL SCREAM*

Why oh why would anyone start out the day by being cranky with another person? WHY? Do they realize the effect that has on the person's entire day? Do they even care?

More later once I'm over it.

2004-05-17T13:09:00.000-05:00

Retribution and birthdays should not be mixed.

But they were, most deviously, I might add. Okay, so I've been a little tied up. (Not literally, more's the pity.) My birthday was the thirteenth, and two weeks previously, I helped celebrate a very good friend's birthday by building a giant balloon cube enclosing his desk. It was art, I'm telling you, ART. Ten feet by six feet, floor to ceiling, filled with nearly eight hundred balloons.

Then he had to get even. I changed the lock on my office door, he got a key. I changed it again, and he went in through the drop ceiling. Never let it be said he's not determined. I arrived at the office to find my entire office wrapped in aluminum foil. Yes, aluminum foil. Desk, chairs, every picture, every object on the desk, EVERYTHING. I opened the door and it looked rather like the inside of a freezer. I could get a tan sitting at my desk. Pictures to come soon.

Work was non-existant that day, we ended up at my favorite Mexican restaurant for lunch, with about eighteen of my closest friends. Got flowers and great gifts, including a six pack of diet coke with lime (woo hoo!) and not one but TWO Corvettes to play with. Someone knows me well. After work, it was a rendezvous at the Tiki Bar for a gorgeous sunny afternoon of drinks and giggles with the girls. Sure, the guys were there too, but nothing beats the laughs I have with my girlfriends.

Friday found me at the mall spending my birthday money, and at Stretch's lacrosse game. Again it was VERY exciting. I'm starting to get the hang of said sport, and my daughter is good. Really good, that's not just her proud Mama talking. She scored on a penalty shot to tie the game late, and her team ended up finishing tied after an impressive second half rally. Saturday saw Mads playing soccer early. She didn't score, but had a good game nonetheless. The grownups went out to see the movie "Troy" on Saturday night. Good movie.

Brad Pitt naked. Yum-mm-my. It was inspired by the Illiad. Please note I say "inspired by" and not "taken from." The screenwriters took MANY liberties. So if you see it, go into it with an open mind, do not be upset that it does not follow the Illiad, just enjoy it as it's own story. Oh, and do enjoy Brad naked. Orlando Bloom is pretty hot too.

Sunday, Stretch had a soccer game, which her team won 3-0. That puts them in second place! Woo hoo! She's having a very good season, her coach and teammates love her, and she them. I couldn't ask for more.

So it's now Monday and I am back to the gym. I have been slacking of late and although the scale has been okay, my clothes aren't fitting the way I want them to, so bright and fuzzy I was on the treadmill, and crunching those abs. I have a fitness goal to achieve by the end of 2004, and I WILL make it.

So how's that for disappearing and then having much to say? Only about ten more days of class to go too! Goodbye math!

And goodbye gentle reader... for now anyway.

2004-05-10T10:55:00.000-05:00

Okay, so things are REALLY busy. Much to tell and not nearly enough time to do it all. Somewhere, on some plane, I'm convinced that my alter ego is kicking back, eating bonbons and has NOTHING to do. She's also fabulously skinny with huge boobs, but hey, that's another post altogether.

School is churning right along, I raised the second math grade from a B to an A. Lord but I hate math right now. It's like purgatory. If there is a hell, it's filled with polynomials and quadratic equations. Still and all, a few more weeks and I'll be done with math, and can get back to words!

Mads scored in her soccer game! This means she's got 4 goals in 4 games. Amazing stuff. The child found her coordination, and is now unstoppable.

Stretch had a good lacrosse game, they won big on Saturday, and then she was asked to stay and play in a following game. Needless to say she slept really well on Saturday night. Soccer on Sunday found them playing the first place team and winning! What a gift for Mother's Day. Down 2-0 at the half, the girls rallied and won 3-2. They're ecstatic, and so are their parents. Amazing how tied up we get in our kids' fun and games.

On an artistic note, Stretch had an audition for a musical. Singing, dancing and acting, she was asked to stick around for further reads... we'll hear something soon, I hope. She's very excited. She also had her violin concert last week, and will probably move up to first chair for second violin next year. She's a pretty well rounded individual, even if she does want to always do it all. I think she gets that from her father. *wink*

2004-05-05T22:11:00.000-05:00

I don't like the word "probably" anymore. I'd prefer "most definitely is" or "most definitely is not."

Less disconnected today. It was a busy afternoon with news that needed sharing. When support came it was swift, wrapping me up in it's web and keeping me safe. That's the thing about a crisis or stressful time.... when you need your friends, your connections, they renew, revive, restore. I needed, intensely... and I received in abundance.

I most definitely do not like being unsure. I most definitely do not like being scared. I most definitely am not ready to face a battle. I am most definitely unsettled.

Tonight went to Wal-Mart. Got caught in a "code black." I can hear it now..."what the hell is a code black?" We had a tornado supposedly in the area, so everyone in WM was shuffled back (rather like cattle or sheep) into the Domestics department (think bedspreads and sheets) to wait it out. They wanted no one near the windows, all electronics were turned off, etc. It was exciting anyway. Mads got a little anxious, but we turned it into a game, and within 20 minutes or so, we were released to check out and go home.

I was again Mother of the Year in the dinner department. Too late to cook, too much homework, and too much stress, combined for a night of fast food. Thankfully, the kids are jocks and they'll burn that crap off. Mom however, will have to walk FOUR miles tomorrow night.

I will "probably" sleep. I am just hoping for more than three hours tonight. The body is not adjusting well to this level of activity vs. rest.

And I will definitely worry.

2004-05-04T14:11:00.000-05:00

Everything

I can be an a**hole of the grandest kind
I can withold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby
And you've never met anyone
As negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I'm the kindest soul with whom you've connected
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
As positive as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive agressiveness can be devistating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone who's closed down as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I am the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I am the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as everything as I am sometimes

You see everything
You see every part
You see all my light
And you love my dark
You dig everything
Of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
And you're still here
And you're still here

~Alanis Morissette

I have to stop listening to music when I'm in these moods.

2004-05-04T11:48:00.000-05:00

"If you cook a huge gourmet dinner, and invite a hundred friends, and do not take a plate for yourself... you still end up hungry."

Insomnia struck last night, couldn't get to sleep, then couldn't sleep well at all. Today is a plethora of things to digest, both intellectual and emotional.

Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores
~Garth Brooks "The River"

I'm very tired.

2004-05-03T09:47:00.000-05:00

First things first...I am digging some new music. Hoobastank's "The Reason" and Los Lonely Boys' "Heaven", also Toby Lightman's "Devils and Angels." Good stuff. My friend Jenni is a radio chick like I used to be and her station is playing some really good stuff lately. She and I have been talking back and forth about men and life and just general girlie girl crap. It feels good. Funny thing about radio people, they spend so much time being good on the air (by this I mean watching their language) that when they get off the air, most of them (us) have mouths like sailors. I left the 'biz five years ago and still fall into the habit. Good thing she and I know how to behave when we're out in public. Check Jenni out HERE.

Secondly, again a mixed bag in the sports department. Stretch continues to amaze me and not always in a good way. Lacrosse game on Friday night, she scored two goals! YAY Stretch! She was pumped and so was I. I still don't quite "get" the game yet, but we're working on it. I am ordering help from the good folks at Amazon. Stretch didn't have such a good soccer day on Sunday, she was just really off her game. The team tied a game they should have won. On the up side, at least it wasn't a loss, but she came off the pitch very emotional, knowing she didn't play well. She lashed out at her father and me, blaming us for "coaching" her from the sidelines. In reality, she was angry at herself and we knew it, so did she. She's not practicing as hard as she used to. Part of that is the new coach has a different philosophy, part of it is her schedule being so full, part of it is that she's nearly twelve and the hormones have kicked in. I don't know. As a mediocre athlete who got by on heart, I know you play the way you practice, and she's not playing well because she's not practicing well. She's going to have to want it. Dad and Mom can't do that for her.

Mads scored in her game on Saturday. She's now scored in all three of her games. Of course it's a little easier when you're six and there's no goalie. Stretch wasn't screamingly supportive.

On the behavior front... yeeeeeeeeesh. The teen is in yet another "dark and moody" phase. They apparently never end. She spends most of her time in her room in the basement, on the phone. She comes up for food and then disappears again. She flunked her German final, which means she will not graduate high school without re-taking it, passing, and then getting some scheduling help from the high school.

Stretch was in pre-teen PMS, with the weekend being an emotional rollercoaster ride. Friday night was one of those thrilling highs (thank you lacrosse!) then Saturday she was generally grumpy and abusive, yelling at her younger siblings, switching to sunny happiness, then back to sad and emotional ("you love Mads more than me"). It was exhausting. Sunday was more of the same, especially given the soccer game.

Speaking of Mads, she had selective hearing and spent quite a bit of time arguing with the boy. She also gave herself a haircut. Mom is NOT pleased. She whacked off a chunk on the very TOP of her head. It now sticks straight up. She also has decided that it's okay to not listen to her parents. Very dangerous habit, that.

And the boy is the boy. He's a three year old tazmanian devil who NEVER stops, and he argues with his sisters and then turns those big eyes on them and says "I love you!" He's also trying to get himself adopted by the neighbors at the end of the street. They took him to dinner on Friday night. He's hardheaded and busy and argumentative and sweet and cute and a general PITA. But, he's the boy.

Home is home. The new office is shaping up beautifully. Spouse got his hair cut. I just want some order back in the living areas of the house so we can actually....LIVE. And somewhere, the emotions need to start feeling more like a gentle flowing stream rather than the constant grade 3 rapids.

2004-04-29T15:05:00.000-05:00

Emotional connections are something that cannot be denied. There are those people that you come across in your life and you just know they mean something to you, right down to the marrow in your bones. You touch them and you feel a hum, a shift, or hear an audible "click" somewhere in your psyche that says "yes, this one fits." The older I get, the more attuned I am to those connections, and the tighter I hold on to them. The more aware I am of them, the closer I grow to those people, the more precious they are to me.

I think when I was a child, I didn't really question these connections. I just accepted them as an everyday part of life and moved on. Rather like peanut butter going with jelly... or strawberries and cream. I didn't know enough to realize what a special occurrence those connections were. Luckily I also didn't know enough to mess them up.

I'm still connected to my best friend from high school. She and I speak nearly every day, and she is the Godmother to my children. I'm the Godmother to hers as well. When she and I met, it was as if something actually slid into place inside my soul. Something said to me at the ripe old age of fifteen that THIS was somebody important to me. She's stood by me during single motherhood for both of us, a bad marriage for her... my marriage... cancer (me) miscarriages (both of us) various female maladies (both)... and men trouble on both sides of the coin. I love her second husband to bits. She has really been a rock for me during this latest emotional upheaval, and I appreciate her so very much.

I've a plethora of girlfriends who I'm also connected to in various ways, three of them have blogs that I link to, so visit them as well. They're some of the brightest, most intuitive people I've ever had the pleasure to have restore my soul. And there just aren't words for the Lunatic I call MircSpouse... (Okay there are but he gets really twitchy after I heap all those superlatives on him).

In my real life, I've been fortunate to find connections that I am not sure I could live without. Connections that when they're right, they are to me what water is to a flower in the sun. Replenishing, renewing, fulfilling, life-giving connection. The air sizzles and crackles, and everything seems so much more ALIVE when that connection is up and running. When those connections aren't up and running though, it's as if I am drowning; I cannot breathe... the world swims around me and I panic. I cannot "feel" them anymore and all is lost. This connection is a tangible thing...there is nothing tame about it.

So what then, to do when that connection is strained, or lost? It is those times that one must stand on faith. One must believe that what is to be, will be. That what has happened before, and is meant to happen again will happen, and that the greatest power of the universe cannot be stopped.

Not by us mere mortals anyway.

2004-04-28T20:33:00.000-05:00

Various schtuff:

Firstly, this is what we do when we have too much time on our hands:

Jeff's Birthday Joke

Jeff is a very special guy, and he had a very special day. It was so worth it. Retribution I am sure will be swift and somewhat painful.

I don't know whether to be scared or happy that he would go to such lengths to figure out a way to get even with lil' ol' me. I think I shall be happy.

College is kicking my butt. I blew a deadline today. I was bent on thinking that an assignment was due Wednesday. It was actually due yesterday. I screwed that one up. Sucks. I'm having a real tough time with this class, probably due to the fact that this very difficult upper level math class comes on top of a very difficult time at work and a very difficult time at home.

Marriage counseling started this week too. I wish I could say I felt confident. I don't. I am emotionally wrapped around my own axle on this entire thing. I'm so strung out I can barely breathe. I guess this is what you call drowning in your own life.

Enough whining. I don't whine. The cosmos will either throw me a lifeline, or I'll drown. That's how it works, so if I suddenly stop posting, you'll know the line didn't come.

2004-04-25T19:21:00.000-05:00

Today was a mixed bag...

Firstly, the soccer game. After yesterday's horrific loss, the girls bounced back and at least scored a moral victory holding on to a 0-0 tie. Stretch played very well.... she took charge of her position and was quite chatty out on the field, firing up her teammates and keeping them motivated. It was a much needed lift, and the girls are doing well after a tough weekend. They now get a bit of a break with what we hope are some easier teams. Still...on any given Sunday, anything can happen.

You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh... the fundamental things apply as time goes by. And when two lovers woo, they still say "I love you." On that you can rely, no matter what the future brings, as time goes by.

Ever have a tune stuck in your head? That one is in mine.

This afternoon, we tortured a co-worker. Okay he doesn't know he's being tortured. Tomorrow is his birthday. We sectioned off part of his office... from floor to ceiling with plastic sheeting and then FILLED it with balloons. This after basically shrinkwrapping his desk in cellophane and tape. It's not pretty. It's not nice... it is however very effective and BEAUTIFUL. This started because this particular co-worker is quite the practical joker and decided to be mean to some of us who are older than he is.

We used nearly 800 balloons. He can't even get to his desk. I'll put up pictures and maybe a video clip as soon as I can. We're running a camera in the morning to capture his response when he sees it.

Oh it's good to be me.

In other news, I have a ton of math to do this week. I have slacked bad this weekend. Pray for me.

2004-04-24T19:41:00.000-05:00

Cheeeeezus...

Okay, first off, I need a book. "Lacrosse for Dummies" The child plays it, I don't get it. 'Nuff said.

Secondly...we got an old fashioned thrashing today in soccer. Lordhavemercy. She's okay with it but DAYAM... Thank God for retail therapy at IKEA.

And I still hate math.

2004-04-21T20:57:00.000-05:00

When you love someone...tell them.

Tell them everytime you feel it. You are doing them a disservice if you do not tell them.

Love loses nothing by being expressed, the light only grows by being passed on.

Light someone up... love them today... if you feel it... express it.

Tonight, my sister knows that she is loved... and so do I. It feels good...and now I can sleep.

Goodnight Quicksilver One.

2004-04-21T19:13:00.000-05:00

Math...

Polynomials, Quadratic equations, WHAT THE BLAZES WAS I THINKING?

Okay so I just finished one five-week course in college math, and after a one-week break, I now get to fire up the ol' noodle and start another one. Can I just tell you... I'm sick to my stomach? What in the world am I doing back in college? I'm too old for this. I'm too old for a LOT of what I'm doing lately, I think.

This is what happens though, when you don't go to college right out of high school. This is what happens when you're nearly thirty-six, and you've got to grow up. Mom of four kids, having to be an example, having to live the life even as I've got one graduating high school this year. My eldest and I could actually graduate college at the same time. Scary thought, that. I'm on a course to complete my BS in Business, with my major in Marketing from the University of Phoenix. At one point, I thought I wanted to be an engineer. Knowing tons of engineers in my current profession, I now know that I have WAY too much personality (and too much mouth) to be an effective engineer. I talk too much, I'm too loud, too brash, too bold, too extroverted...

Too everything.

But then again... I'm that way for a lot of people I guess, and not just engineers. I had a rough day at work today. There have been a few of those lately. I'm suffering from a lack of direction, and a lack of balance. I think my boss is as well, and he is taking it out on me. He and I are both Taureans, and we tend to take our frustrations out on one another. Unfortunately, those frustrations leave bruises that don't easily heal. He's been under a lot of pressure, and although he may end up a diamond... This lump of coal is being pulverized into dust.

Time to give up the hero worship, again. Time to move on, I think. He's a very good man and I'm just too emotionally fragile right now to take the bruising.

Then again, maybe I'm just in need of sleep... a rest before another day at work and before math class.

2004-04-21T13:38:00.000-05:00

A lesson...

French Provincial:

French Whore:

Any questions?

2004-04-20T22:10:00.000-05:00

Fixing things...

Sometimes I ramble on and on... to clear out the grey matter and keep the thoughts moving. I am the quintessential drama queen as well... and I like to hear myself talk. I do not need things fixed for me... many times I only need to hear the words to know how to proceed.

If I need help, I will ask. I don't need anyone to fix things for me, or take on responsibility for me and my emotions or my dramas. I do quite well by myself, thanks. I'm a big enough girl to just run my mouth... talk my way through a problem and then move the hell on...

And if not...then I'll scream for help.

If I'm not screaming... don't think you need to fix it for me. Because although I love you, it's not your job to fix me. Although I appreciate you and your efforts, you'll exhaust yourself trying to fix me. I'm too big a job to fix. Trust me on this one.

Just love me for all my failings and ignore a lot of my ramblings... pat me on the head... nod knowingly... and we'll move forward together. Does that work for you?

2004-04-20T19:41:00.000-05:00

All you need is love...bum be da da dum
All you need is love...bum be da da dum...
All you need is love... love...
Love is all you need.

With all due respect to the Beatles....

My ass.

Love? You need a heck of a lot more than love. I'm a HUGE fan of love, believe me. I'm one of those hopeless, helpless, fanatical romantics.... but right now love is wreaking total havoc in my life. I married a really great guy. We have four great kids. Okay, so they drive us a little nuts at times, and our lives are a whirlwind of... LIFE STUFF...

And somewhere along the line, love got lost.

Not that I don't love him.... but what happened to being IN love? Where does that feeling go? That connection...that pull... that soul bond... was it ever really there, did I imagine it?

Can one recapture what is lost? Is it truly lost...or just hidden away....

Falling in love is rather like an avalanche... or having a piano dropped on your head. I personally don't believe you can help who you fall in love with, or when it happens. Falling in love... a choice? Not for this girl. Souls are connected on a plane that our conscious minds cannot fathom. Ever meet someone and know an instant click with them? How about an instant dislike? Your soul knows theirs... and either likes them... or doesn't. For me, maybe it's because I'm musical, I tend to have a little soundtrack running through my head when that "click" happens. I meet a a soul-bond and the symphony starts playing inside my head... and it won't be denied.

But does one recapture the music once the soundtrack stops playing? Does the orchestra play an encore, after the act has ended?

I don't know.... I honestly don't.

In other news.... I got an A in Math.