"We are all in this alone..."

A quote from Nancy Reagan, who just lost her husband. Ronald Reagan was the first President I ever voted for. Ironic in a way, that he would die at this most confusing time in my life. Reagan marked my passage into adulthood, or what I thought was adulthood, and yet now he's gone and so am I.

The choice has been made. And I truly am in this alone. There is no winning in my current situation here at home. I am telling my male friends goodbye, even though I've done NOTHING wrong except be myself. I've used one particular fellow to divert my attention off of my own problems and perhaps gain further insight into the mind of a male.

It didn't work, apparently. It only made things worse. So I will create the distance that my spouse needs me to create from this friend and any others that make him uncomfortable. Even as I am doing so, he isn't happy about that either, because now he feels guilty.

So what do I do?

Realize that I cannot win... and that we all are in this alone.