With friends like these...I need Depends.

I know that's an awfully odd title for a post that follows a memorial service, however somehow I think GQS would totally get it. Dear Lord in heaven, I can't possibly describe the gamut of emotions I have experienced over the past four days, but I'm going to try.

I'll start with where I am now: Peace and Gratitude.

Having met the most wonderful family in the world, I completely get why she is who she is. I get why she loves them, and they love her... I get why visiting Mom and Dad was a recharging for my Quicksilver friend. I get it. I also get her spouse. Certainly the last six weeks or so have been a trial by blowtorch, and we've spent hours on the phone, but I get why she picked him. I get why he picked her and I also get WHY they worked together. Meeting her family helped bring her more to life for me, even in death.

The service on Saturday was a roller coaster ride. Friday evening, E and I were invited to the church to help coordinate efforts and it was incredible to be a part of planning the celebration of an all too short life. The vocalist the family knew could not make it and so I stepped forward on Saturday to start the ceremony by singing "Amazing Grace". Lovely song, and yet, it wasn't the typical. E helped me by selecting verses that seemed appropriate. I sang acapella, which is a lot of pressure, but definitely helped me to focus. Thankfully no one heard the voice in my head during that third verse...where the lyrics were:

"When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we first begun."

And the voice in my head was chanting "keep it together, don't lose focus, don't embarrass yourself, keep it together, just a little longer, hold it together..."

Got lucky there.

The best part of the service for me was the open microphone part where folks got up to speak about GQS and the type of person she is, and the influence she had on them. Joyous was absolutely lovely reading "Death is Nothing" and E went with her to lend moral support. It was a fantastic tribute from us internet peeps. Many others, family and friends alike, stepped up and told stories of the woman I too had come to know and love. It is a reassuring thing to find that the friend you knew is true all the way through. She was for everyone what she was for me... a wonderful warm vibrant loving nurturing spirit. I am so grateful and so reassured.

I got to close that part of the ceremony by reading her own words in poetry. The words of "If I were an angel" made me both tear up, and yet smile. I'm counting on that comfort, Purple One!!

I was okay until the music kicked in and then thank God for E, who slipped an arm around me as I cried my way through "The River and the Highway". The video sealed the deal. I was a mess.

We ended with a dessert gathering in the fellowship hall of the church. Meeting the people who love her the way we did made me even more thankful for everything that she has given me over the past ten-plus years.

I have to say that Saturday's greatest gift may have been the MartyParty and her wonderful family. Derek the miracle boy is a wonder and John is SO laid back and is a perfect match for Marty. Now let me tell you about Marty... the HS teacher. She may appear to be a warm wonderful witty teacher... comforting in hugs and with a sweet southern drawl, gentle way of talking, and open friendly smile. She is all that...

But she is SOOOOO much more.

She's a pool shark. She's a bartender and a hypnotherapist. She's a dancer and a genius, and .. and .. and ..
She's an onion. There are layers and complexity of flavor and she gave me a COOKBOOK. I love to cook. Oh I am so coming to the lake for summer, Martilla.. be ready.

We had a great dinner on Saturday, and went shopping for a dogwood tree to plant in the memory of our friend. So sad that Marty had to leave but I have a plan to make good on more late nights and hugs when we're at the lake.

Sunday we went to the family home...and planted a lovely pink dogwood. GQS's mom wanted one, and we enclosed two amethysts in the hole. They will be a part of the ground and a part of the tree forever. We then spent the whole day just hanging out with the wonderful Hendersons. I don't know that I can adequately convey just how fantastic it was being a part of that family. In being with them, I was with her again. That is more precious than I can ever say.

We went out to dinner with Rexagonal to Hooters...(I know! But it was MY choice!) and we proceeded to get very very silly. Joyous has detailed the night at her blog far better than I ever could, but let me just say this:

I am too old to stay up all night.
My abdominal muscles are sore from laughing.
I need to pack Depends the next time I hook up with these people.

Joyous, you live up to your name. My God woman how I love you. E... You are NOT a virgin! You're a wonderful witty, HYSTERICAL man, who does a pretty mean Dobby impersonation.

I came home with a bit of Quicksilver for my own. In October she will join the waters of the Chesapeake Bay and the Atlantic Ocean. E will join me and we will facilitate this journey for her, for ourselves and for Anne, Bill, and the Chrisi all on the East Coast.

It sucked to have a reason like we did to get together. However there's only ONE thing I'd taken in exchange for the four days I spent. I know those I spent the four days with feel the same way, and there's no way to get what we all want. So with that said:

Fair winds and following seas, Sister. I love you now, I will always love you. I will do my best not to miss you too much but quite frankly, that's going to be really f*cking difficult.